Fin.

Hello, Bienvenue and awrite? I've been back in Scotland for 2 months now and I should have really updated sooner. So here's a little back-tracking to get us started. The night before I left (31st March) Renaud came to mine to see me for the last time for a while, and nearly everyone came out, since it was a Thursday, so I got to say goodbye to most folk, some of whom I'll never see again, which makes me very sad!! The Friday, however, was a disaster. In my mad, slightly drunken, over emotional state, I tripped and fell in my hall way, badly bruising and spraining my wrist, cutting it, and getting really bad carpet burn down my arm that is STILL healing, as is the wrist pain. Which involved me getting even more upset, like "MA ARM!!!!!" and the worry of getting lost/kidnapped/dying trying to get home. Then Renaud and I cleverly spent the last hour or so running around Poitiers trying to find a printer, adding more stress to my life. The flights home were uneventful, and Becca and David picked me up from Glasgow Airport :D All in all a fun wee time, but I miss a lot of my friends and of course the Frenchman!

So, Scotland...There's not loaaaddss to report. There have been some good nights out though, like the 80s night. Which may or may not have involved neon feathers, leather leggings, and really, really bad photos. Like this:

Prince Charming?!

Or, like this, which is less... No, I can't lie, it's only vaguely more attractive:

Me and Amy. Cool as cucumbers.

The night was filled with much 80s drunken banter, kicking, dancing, and generally wishing there was such a thing as a time machine...

There's been a few trips to Red, and an enjoyable trip to Amy's where we drank beer and cider and watched Star Wars, counting the number of minorities present in the film (4 in total) and general catch up banter. We've also had many nights out to Word Up, Monday night Glasgow banter with Amy, and my dad's 50th. But more on those activities later.

On 11th May I bantered back to Poitiers for the final adventure! But before that I went to Angouleme for what will be the last time for a wee while. Comme d'hab, Renaud's family were wonderful to me, introducing me to more of the fantastic French lifestyle I've fallen in love with. Renaud also took me to Jonzac to a lovely spa place for a day and it was AMAZING! We had sauna's and jacuzzi's and a hamam, which is like a humid version of a sauna! I have never been so relaxed in my life and we had such a great day out! Other events included meeting the new little boy his mum would be watching -Pierre, 5 months old, GORGEOUS, going to the rock bar in Angouleme and me drinking cocktails - i.e. 2 shots of rum and a quartered lime in a glass with a spoon to "mix" the "cocktail". I miss the French and they're bizarre ways!

After a few days we went back to Poitiers to sit my exams - no comment - and generally say goodbye to what has been my home for the past 8 months. But then I decided to get sick. Then we decided to make extra spicy fajitas (!!!!!!!!!!). Do not be fooled by the tomato one, it is INSANE!!! There was also an excellent party in the Connemara and at... erm... "Adrian's old house" and we didn't get back home till nearer 8am! I miss the French party lifestyle!

 All in all we had a lovely time together and I will/ do really miss Renaud, but we are 8 months now and till bantering along :D

On a final note, I would urge ANYONE to study abroad, even for one semester. It has changed me for the better and I WILL be doing it when I graduate! (As long as they let me back in the country!)

I'd also like to take a moment to thank everyone I met on my trip to Poitiers for making it the best experiences of my life! Merci a tous et je vous aime! Gros bisous :) xxxxxxx

How to move how abroad: Packing.

All over again, I find myself constantly panicking and relfecting whilst I am packing for the big move back to Scotland, as well as wondering why in the name of Jebus and his furry friends I have so much stuff with me. I arrived with no less than FOUR suitcases, mostly filled with clothes, which is obviously nothing out of the ordinary. Another suitcase was filled with cooking essentials, bathroom stuff, etc. What? WHY?! Why the hell did I bring that sorta crap with me? Did I think that France wouldn't sell pots and pans, etc? So that's basically a suitcase I can leave behind. I remember frustratedly stating to my mum 2 nights before I came here that "I HAVE NOTHING WITH ME!".

Rule #1 for moving abroad: Ignore yourself when you say that. You can buy practically EVERYTHING you need wherever you move too. Poitiers had the €2 shop etc, I could ahve got everything JUST as cheap here, and at less expsense. Still, lesson learned, etc.

So far, I have 3 cases - 2 of which are coming home with me, and the other filled with things I am leaving with a friend here so I'll have clothes when I come back, and with things I may or may not need in the future. Therefore, cutting down costs and leaving behind things that I really don't need.

So, Rule #2: Prioritise your items. Clothes, but ones you WILL wear. Little trinkets etc, but that WON'T add a million kg to your weight (think back to the 750g teabag incident - I took out half the packet and lost over 500g to my weight - CRUTIAL MUCH?)

This rule applies to almost any household item - don't be mental like me and bring EVERYTHING over with you...

Once you are over, however, do what you like, it's your room, make it your own. But here's a little advice that's a good money saver and just a good idea in general: Take advantage of most airlines 10kg hand luggage rule. While it is strick, if you follow the above rules, not only will you be able to avoid paying an extra £15 for hold luggage, it means you are just bringing back say out of season clothes (and I literally mean summer-winter clothes, not style, though that too I guess) and other non-necessities to make room for more!

Therefore, Rule #3 - Only use 10kg hand luggage when flying home for visits, unless you REALLY need to book holdluggage.

Even over Christmas I managed this. Basically, anything you think that won't do for winter, that you realised you don't need than you can't throw away, take it home with you. Summer clothes etc are relatively light so you should be able to bring a LOT back. Also, by this hand luggage, I don't mean stuff 10kg worth of stuff into a handbag, get one of the small cases that fit cabin luggage regulations. It's worked every time for me, and means I can check in online and basically proceed right to the gate rather than standing in long queues waiting to check in big pieces of luggage. But obviously, this only works if you aren't bringing back half of the country you are in.

NB: Doesn't matter if it's when you are first going over, etc, always wear any jackets or HEAVY pieces of clothing. Saves like 1kg per item, so frees up a lot more weight and space!

However, as mentioned, it is a lot easier to bring back home summer clothes than winter clothes. Which leads us to Rule #4, Wear ALL your heavy clothing and jewellery whilst travelling. Yes, you may look absolutely mental with 3 necklaces, 2 bangles, a large jumper, a cardigan and a jacket/coat on, but it saves SO much weight, as previously mentioned. Plus it means you have more pockets, which allows for phones, mp3s, make up in those daft clear bags etc to be stored there if they are big enough, or if you happen to have a man friend travelling with you (jean pockets hello?).

I think that's all the main advice I can give you, apart from mayeb recruit family or friends to make the big moves with you, providing you aren't hated by everyone and they can't wait to see the back of you. Which I'm sure is unlikely.

Hope this helps any budding movers/ future ERASMUS/ Languag assistants!!

Fetchez la vache!!!!!

Throughout the 7 months I have spent here, I have often thought how to describe what it's like speaking French, or "French", to French people. And, after much deliberation/ watching Monty Python and The Holy Grail, I feel the Python's have done a rather excellent job in summing up exactly what happens when we Brits and other foreigners attempt to speak French:

French Soldier: Un cadeau.
Other French soldiers: A what?
French Soldier: A present.
Other French soldiers: Oh, Un cadeau!
Other French soldiers: Oui oui.
French Soldier: Allons y!
Other French soldiers: What?
French Soldier: Let's go!
Other French soldiers: Oh.

*NB: Replace "French soldier" with me, say, or any other Brit, and "Other French soldiers" with actual  French people.

Also, how this is said in the film pretty much gives you an idea of how we sound when we speak French:
"I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?"

If you have not seen the film, FOR SHAME! Go, buy or download it now, watch it, then come back and read my blog.

Anyway, joking aside, there is a point to all of this. As of Friday 1st April, I shall be leaving Poitiers. Not forever, as I must return in early May for exams (cheers, Poitiers), but I am leaving a wee bit early due to some much needed resbite. So, I am reflecting. Also, it is 05h30, I'm halfway through packing my suitcase and am only awake because I decided to have coffee and noodles just after 3h this morning. Clever Lauren and you're smart decisions.

It feels very strange to be packing again, because this time I have 20kg hold luggage and my 10kg hand luggage and have given the notice for my room - so this is the big move back. And all over again, I feel like I'm leaving behind so much, I can't decide what to bring, only this time it's not like if I come back here my things will be waiting for me - once I move out, that's it. It's the end of the first chapter of my new, independent life. And I am REALLY gonna miss living on my own. But fear not, as Nadia, my Irish pal from Glasgow Uni, and I have decided to flat share in Glasgow next year - YALDI. It will be a bachelorette lair of which the likes Glasgow will have never seen before. Or just us getting drunk, talking shite, pretending to study languages and being poor for a year.

Anyway, over the next few days I am going to try and update as often as possible with any little happenings etc before my depature. Last Saturday I went out with the usual crowd to Est-Ouest, and it was fairly uneventful, apart from Anna teaching Katrin and I a valuable lesson about how chocolate must always be available when you are sad, nearly being shot in the face with a champagne cork (Thanks, Katrin :P) and that rose, rose champagne and sangria are not our friends. Or shots of vodka, for that matter. I also believe I was invited to a James Blunt concert and may have said yes... Anyway...

The weather here is still AMAZING, reaching 24 degrees the other day. Suck on that! I'd wear shorts if I didn't hate my legs so much/could be bothered shaving them more often. Hey, noone sees my legs, why do they need to be smoothy smooth everyday? Course, I realise that makes me sound like a human yeti, which isn't what I mean. Why do I need to defend this? Shut up.

On that slightly mad and irrelevant note, I shall leave you with more encouraging words from Monty Python :)

" I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Now, go away or I shall taunt you a second time. :|

Quotes Copyright © "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", 1975. (Seriously, get it watched.)

The sun has got his hat on!!!

Spring is well and truly underway in Poitiers - in actual fact, it's more like Scottish summer weather! Hannah Grello and I decided to have a day out to enjoy such lovely weather. We met at Notre Dame just after half past 12 at the local market, which sold everything from fruit and veg to weird little antique things - so French!. So we spent an hour or so browsing the random and amusing artefacts, with Hannah buying a wee surprise for Adam (won't say what it is in case he reads this :P) and me buying something wonderful for Amy - again, not saying what, but if she doesn't love it I'm going to slap her with a tuna.

We soon realised, though, that at everyone stall there was at least one Jesus-related item. Jesus on a plate, Jesus on a cross, Jesus on a cross on a necklace, a small Jesus book (that wasn't a bible!), a portrait of Jesus, and so on and so forth. This lead to us randomly shouting "JESUS!" every few seconds and me saying something along the lines of "I really wanna find something nice for - Jesus?", when really I meant Amy...

Some of the best items we found were:

• An old fold up school desk and chair.
• Various bird baths
• Axes and other weapons
• Ivory and bone jewellery, etc
• A little porn picture book thing (Hilarious!)
• A real dead fox fur scarf

This "scarf" still had the foxes face, sewn up bits where the eyes should be, the nose bit all dried, legs and paws and it's tail. It was kinda terrifying and disturbing, but WAS really soft and did look fabulous.



Hannah modelling the fox scarf. Fabulous, but oh the controversy!!

We did kind of want to buy it because it was so elegant and wonderful, but then we felt bad and release we'd probably get egged in the streets and denounced by our friends. Plus the face freaked me out, it felt like it was just looking at me, even though it had no eyes...

Anyway, after all that excitement we sat and had a nice beer in the sun and had a good old catch up, discussing everything and anything and commenting about the strange but intriguing people we saw wandering around the market. I'm pretty sure I got a little sunburnt though, or at least "caught some sun" as they say!

Next, we took a trip to Géant for some retail therapy and stopped to go to many weird French shops - why can't they at least invest in a Primark :/ Still after many fails, we eventually made it to H&M and I got myself a nice, floaty, flowery top :) Win! It has to be said though, France does love its autumn/old people colours - beige, cream, beige, navy, beige, sometimes red or green, beige, brown, black, BEIGE :@ For a fashionable country, Poitiers really isn't. It's like those équipe books we got in school where everyone was dressed in bad jumpers and jeans. They seem to think rainbow jumpers qualifies as colours. Noooooo it doesn't :| .

We hit Casino so I could get some groceries, i.e. left with milk, cereal, biscuits and PORRIDGE! Not Scots, but Quakers porridge, but it still tastes great :D But the self service kept telling me to "Place your basket (it meant bag) correctly", which was only slightly more annoying that "There is an unexpected item in the bagging area!". Still, after shouting at it, I managed to successfully buy my shopping.

We then decided on a spur of the moment bowling trip, which was HILARIOUS. We both needed some cheering up and this was just the thing. I managed to get a strike on my first go and another 2 or 3 shots after, but after that I just gutter balling it. Fail. Though we were doing celebratory jumps off the wee step, but this resulted in us looking rather... "Special". Here is what I mean:




Not sure what happened here...

As you can see, my head has gone transparent and my legs look very disproportioned to my body. Many of these pictures were taken (see Facebook!)... I'm not even sure how the angle of this picture happened, because in fact I was higher up than Hannah?! Either way, Hannah beat my sorry ass at bowling then we had some chips - proper fat chips! We then jumped on the bus and went home, where I finally managed to sleep! Ok, it kinda wasted my Friday night as I fell asleep just after 6pm, woke up at 1am, then went back to sleep at 2am, then woke up at 6 am, but a hole 10 hours sleep as made me feel fantastic!! All in all it was a banterful day out that was really needed!!

A la prochaine!!! x

P.S. Here are some more of our wonderful jumping shots:



Lol!!!!!!



My arms are transparent?! I have NO idea how this happened or why I look like this....

Quoi de neuf?: Angoulême, my 20th, raclettes, cognac and flu.

NOTE: This entry has taken me weeks to write due to various distractions, ups and downs and other things. Apologies for it's short and probably generalised content.

Hello again to my blog! It has been well over a month since I last updated and feel it's time to give at least a short synopsis of what's been going on here in Poitiers! Well a lot has gone on in the past month! I spent the weekend before my birthday in Angoulême with Renaud and his family, where I was treated to a very French weekend! We visited the Bande Dessinée festival, where we got to see some famous comic book authors and various other arty things, but were a bit disappointed as you had to pay this year - apparently that's only happened in the last 2 or 3 years! Then we went for dinner at Renaud's parent's friend's house where I tried some tasty wee snacks like caramelised peanuts! Also had my first every raclette, which is like a grill thing with special little trays to melt special raclette cheese in and a thing where you can grill the different types of meats you have and you eat it all with potatoes! It was very exciting!! I also got my first taste of Cognac which was so amazing but left me a little bit too drunk - not that the whisky or red wine had anything to do with it! Then on Sunday for Epiphany we had a special galette and I found the little ornament so I was queen for a day! It was all very French and exciting :D



The Saturday after that (5th of February) was my 20th! I started the celebrations on the Thursday night with a bottle of malt whisky and buying myself a Chanel lipstick! We then proceeded to get wildly drunk on the Saturday night, drinking at the residence before hand before bantering off to Petit Cab, Est Ouest and the Goule as per! Renaud bought me a lovely dress for my birthday :D Pictures are on facebook so I can't be bothered uploading them here!

After my birthday... Well you can probably guess the banter that's gone on! Nights at the Petit Cab, Est Ouest, the goule etc! Last saturday (the 4th March) was the party at the Irish people's house for Aoife's birthday which was followed by a lovely trip to the Goule! Where we danced all night, but I was sober. Which was, coincidently, a very sobering experience. Hahaha, puns, etc.

What else? Well, there was the 2 week break around the 16th of February where everyone went home but I... didn't. Mainly because Ryanair thought it'd be hilarious to charge me £150 for ONE WAY. No thanks. So, instead, I got French flu which my mother and I thought was meningitus and went to Angouleme for a week with Renaud, which was lovely, until he got sick and we were a restless, sleep deprived, coughing and snoring mess. But we did go and see Tron which was beyond awesome!! In 3D as well! Not before there were 4 power cuts in a row, though.

Tuesday (8th march) was Mardi Gras and there was a huge festival/ carnival at notre dame - there is still confetti and streamers everywhere! Sadly, though, I missed it due to not being well, I just saw the remains as I dragged my sorry self to Monoprix for essentials. I have also recently enjoyed a lovely lunch and my first with Zoe last week, various sober weekends, various weekends drinking whisky and the weird orange rum punch they make up in bottles in bars, light sabers and metal music, and had some excellent banter with my friends! But I lost my Chanel lipstick, a definite tragedy.

Sadly, however, my time in Poitiers is growing to a close. Due to some personal problems, problems with uni, people, the area etc, I am not sure if I can continue with the rest of the term here. But fear not, dear readers!! The wonderful place that is the University of Glasgow has told me that if I should choose to return now, I can study at the Alliance Francais between now and some time before September, am still accepted into Honours, and can study for 3-4 months in Toulouse next March - May/June with the people who are studying French and Spanish but are currently in Spain! But I haven't decided yet.

Anyway, if I can think of more happenings etc I shall write another blog. Sorry for the tedious content!!

Lightsabers are fun. ALWAYS.

Green tea and Cabinets: A guide to ostracisation

And so, after much partying, catching up, meeting the new ERASMUS students and the general banter of returning after New Year, the hard realisation of university life is again upon us. And my goodness, is this semester gonna be hard!

Let it be known that, in Glasgow University especially, most students in Scotland do not have particuarly long weeks, given the exceptions like medicine, dentistry etc. In my case, I usually had, say, a 13 hour week at uni, sometimes having only one or two classes per day. My longest day on record is 4 hours in one day, that's to say, 4 hours in a row, not over the space of a 9-5pm day. It was either a few classes in the morning, or that one particular day. I finished at 1pm every day bar that day last year. I had what you called an easy academic life. Nothing particuarly challenging, with subjects I was fairly comfortable with and a daily dose of QMU banter.

That is, of course, until I came to Poitiers, and enrolled at the Univ. de Poitiers - widely regarded as the hell hole. My university timetable now consists of:

Monday: 10am - 4pm
Tuesday: 9am - 7pm (!!!!!!!!!)
Wednesday: 12pm - 1.30pm
Thursday: 8.30am - 12.30pm
Friday: Off :)

Now. Despite Tuesday being quite literally hell on earth, I would say it is a balanced timetable. I would gladly stay late and have more classes in one day so that I can have 2 afternoons and a Friday off uni. But it is hard. I have 3 translation classes (Theme, Version and a mixture of both); a British civilisation class (why not?); 2 literature classes; an essay/ mini dissertation class and Lingua, ie french for foreigners (the 7pm class :/)

It's a fairly competant timetable, but one I am actually enjoying. The first week back was amusing enough! Hannah drank copious Green tea (the "Posh" kind of green tea, might I add :P), Zoe endlessly fretted about translation classes but turns out she has a knack for them, and I sang about being trapped in cabinets. It all started in the Theme translation class when the class was trying to decide what word to use: wardrobe, cupboard, drawers, cabinets... Which lead to an impromptu break out of The Mighty Boosh's song "Captain Cabinet" (Youtube it if you aren't familiar) which goes alone the lines of:

Captain Cabinet, trapped in cabinets!
Can he get out? Will he get out? Course he will!

We sang this for the best part of the day. At lunch, we spent an hour talking about what we each call various cupboard-esque things in the house, for example: Zoe calls a display cabinet a dresser, when Hannah and I agreed a dresser is what you have in your bedroom to do your make up at etc. Hannah calls what Zoe and I regard as kitchen units, G-Units (no correlation to rap, at all!), and so forth. We also discussed cubby holes, and what they were exactly - we still aren't sure. Before going to the next class, we laughed saying "How funny would it be if the next teacher mentioned cabinets?"

It turned out to be fantastic. On discussing a rather dull French - English translation, a part came up where the narrator was talking about neighbours. I can't exactly remember the exact words, but the teacher ended up saying: "... I mean, it's not like they were trapped in a cabinet!". I actually thought my head would explode I tried so hard not to laugh. Still, we sang the song over and over, laughing about it probably too loudly, as the French kids obviously thought we were mad. This continued in British Civilisation, as we carried on to be unnecessarily loud and outlandishly British in the class, further ostracising us from our fellow class mates. Still, we don't all need French friends, do we?

Sadly, I have contracted the lurgy and my glands and neck are swelling out of control. Think of an upside down snowman, and you'll get a rough idea of how I look.

Trapped in cabinets!!!

The great return

Return date to Poitiers, France: Thursday 6th January 2011

Christmas and New Year:

Bonne Année tout le monde and welcome to part two of my ERASMUS adventure! Well, it has been a month since I last updated, so I guess I better give a quick run through of our plane journeys, acitivies over Christmas and New Year, and ofcourse the madness that has ensued since my return to the ever ridiculous Poitiers.

Hannah, Hannah, Jess, Lorna and I successfully managed to take the plane from Poitiers to London Stanstead, not before I weighed everyone's cases a million times and proceeded to be "the mother" to ensure that we all had the necessary documents etc. The plane ride was mostly funny, as we decided not to be the quiet and conscientious types of travellers; Still, after just over an hour on the plane we landed safely and London and bid a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to Lorna, as she went to catch the train to her brother's. So, Hannah x2, Jess and I had a Burger King, got some Irn Bru, and sat at the arrival's section, watching the many happy reunions between families and friends at this festive season. It was touching especially to see grandparents reunited with grandchildren etc, especially with one old man in particular who was greeted by his wife by having a flower put behind his ear. True love never dies!

There was also the odd moment where people kept walking past the people who were arriving, as if trying to find a check in desk at the arrivals section? Departure: You're doing it wrong! After an hour or so, Hannah McAvoy and I had to head through security to board our Glasgow flight. Not without any complications, mind you. The 3 most annoying people in the world just so happened to be in front of us in the queue, one of them schreeching with contempt as she was asked to simply remove her boots and jacket "for security reasons". Like any sane person, she "made a joke" that went something along the lines of "But then you'll see my pistol", which caused a bit of an upstart between security staff. Eventually we got through, got on the plane, and each made it safely home to Scotland. In the freezing, baltic cold.

Christmas and New Year were excellent, mainly because I say everyone and was out almost every night, including 1 too many trips to Word Up! The highlight of the trip though had to be Dunning's 20th birthday in Dakota, where far too  many £2 whiskeys and lemonade and shots were consumed! It was a great laugh all night with some amazing banter and amazing photos; see my facebook if you want a laugh!

My parents once again spoiled me with money, food and gifts over the Christmas period and I was far more settled at home this time and miss them more this time around. Fortunately, my sister and her boyfriend will be coming to Paris for our birthday (5th Feb, if you want to know), and my parents in March, so I don't feel too bad about it all! I managed to fly alllll by myself from Glasgow to London, then met Aoife and Bethany in the queye for the Poitiers flight and made it safely back to Funkytown and spent the night at Renaud's, eating copious amounts of cheese and retelling stories about parties we had been to. L'amour :)

The first fortnight of the second semester:

It has been an INSANE return to reality over the past 2 weeks (Well, just under 2 weeks, if you really wanna be picky about it). As previously mentioned, I stayed with Renaud until Friday, then it was back to centre ville for the first party at Dimitri's and the introduction of some of the new ERASMUS folk, then Saturday was another trip in centre ville and  a party at Adrian's old house. Sunday was spent mostly doing nothing, as was Monday, but then Tuesday rolled around and brought on a 5 day binge. Ok, I wasn't drunk every night, it was more just a few drinks every night, except Thursday, and maybe Wednesday, and last night. But still. The was so much banter to be had! And some much needed time with a friend who was leaving. Lorna Canon will be sadly missed, but we will see her in Austria in the near future! In the mean time, Hannah G has taken over her life, I mean moved into her old flat, so balance has somewhat been restored.

The most notable events have been: The giraffe Lorna, Hannah and I shared in Café des arts whilst chatting to the very friendly and awesome barman (not Steve); The drinks and heartfelt talk at Lorna and Hannah's before hitting the karaoke then randomly meeting people in the street and walking with them for ages; when Katie, Hannah Mc and Marta came to mine and we listened to Trance music WAY too loudly, and then Crazy Lady shouted at us IN ENGLISH: "This is our space too!" . We had said to the new German guy: "Yeah", "Come out with us" and "Aye!". It's OUR space too then, idiot. We also went to the Pilori that night which was  a new experience for me and it was a laugh. Then last night with the exciting cocktails from Minima and a trip to est ouest proved to be more than enough for me and I went home for some sleep. But couldn't sleep till after 6 am. Boak.

This semester will hopefully have even better experiences than last semester, with better weather, new and old friends, and a host of new banter.

Bisous x

Mama, I'm comin' home...

End of part one of my year in Poitiers, France - 16/12/2010.

Yes, sadly, this is the end of the first part of my year abroad. I leave for Scotland on the 16th December and will return on the 6th January :) After living abroad and on my own for 3 and a half months, I feel it is time for some much needed reflection, self evaluation and a nice break from the crazy place that is Poitiers.

Since arriving in Poitiers, I have met many interesting people from various countries. Unfortunately, my main group consists of Irish, Scottish and English people, but Polish, French and German are thrown into the mix, not forgetting the odd Swede :P Sadly, many of my good friends will not be returning to Poitiers after les vacances, like Lorna, Anna and Lisa. I wish everyone that will not be returning all the best for the future and hope you have a great Christmas and New Year :).

I have had many strange experiences whilst in Poitiers, too. There are too many to reference, but just have a look at the blog from the second or third week here and I'm sure you can deduce for yourself how bizarre this place is; what with it's nearly constant strike action, irrational fear and hatred of snow; unlimited perserverance to be nasty to us ERASMUS folk (I mean you, UNIV. DE POITIERS!!!!!); countless party's at Dimitri's, who's neighbour now hates him, and the discovery of whiskey and various cheeses. Needless to say, Hannah G and I's next venture will involve rum, as we drink our way through various liquers.

What can I say about myself? I'm a little older, I'm a little wiser... But I don't have hair in really weird places 9If you didn't get the "Wayne's World 2" reference, then shame on you). Seriously, though, I might not be 100% amazing with my money yet, but living on my own is a great experience, and dispite feeling a little more than anxious about coming here, it is definitely the best decision I have ever made and would urge anyone, not just arts and language students, to try the ERASMUS experience. Even if your grades are crap and you hate your uni, you'll still have a great time.

Because, at the end of the day, we only get one shot at this. The next few years (i.e. Honours, boak) are the years here we really need to work. Not that I think we should abandon our studies, but come on - do our uni's really expect us to come here and NOT try to make friends/ have parties/ generlly be a disgrace to the United Kingdom? Of course they don't. Unless you are at St. Andrew's, then they might. But whatever.

I aim to continue to have as much fun as I am having now next semester, despite it continuing to June... Mon Dieu... c'est dur, non?

Anyway, any updates before I go? Like I previously mentioned, Hannah and I have discovered a new love for whiskey and enjoyed a nice malt the other night. Needless to say, we are hardened men. Also, ONE bus driver was attacked two nights ago, and since that attack, EVERY bus in Poitiers has been cancelled for  DAYS, causing untold frustration between students and residents alike. It then decided to snow heavily out of the blue, but it's just a bit icy now, merde. It's also forecast to snow extremely heavily in Scotland on Thursday, you know the day I'm due back? THANKS VERY MUCH :/

Alors... The next time you hear form me, I'll be back in my house, sipping Irn Bru, and watching "The Muppet Christmas Carol" with Becca. A bientot, tout le monde!! Joyeux Noel!

COKE VANILLE. And you thought they didn't make it anymore!

Mr. Plow, that's my name...

It's that time of year again :D And Poitiers is rife with excitement. It has also grinded to somewhat of a halt due to the snow. Like England, a nationwide panic has ensued, unlike us in the north who are like "Get a shovel n yer wellies, right?" None a this hinging aboot nonsense. Still, it makes everything seem a little more wonderful and Christmassy! They've even got little huts selling funny little things n cool scarves and playing Christmas music! Though the animatronics at Monoprix leave much to be desired:



French snow from my window :)

Still, it doesn't compare to the snow that's apparently hit Britain. Headlines such as "Arctic blanket over Britain" and "UK grinds to a halt due to snow" have been in the English news recently, whereas STV takes a more docile approach, with headlines such as "45ft whale washed up on remote beach in Sutherland" and "Is it snowing yet? Watch live picture's from STV's snowcam". You know, amidst all the murders, stabbings etc. And the snow here doesn't amount to much either. Too powdery, there's no substances. It's the not the type of snow I could, say, make into a snow seat/toilet, or throw at your face. Because that's what we like to do in Scotland...

The view from my window at home :)

I also went on a soup making endeavour for the first time, and it worked! Chicken and rice soup FTW!! And a nice lentil chorizo thingy too :) I was proud. So Hannah Grello and I shared our feast and had a bottle of red (which was kinda boak) and looked at some disgusting pictures, such as tapeworms, and really horrible eye infections. That's how ladies spend their time these days!

Renaud and I are taking a banter to Angouleme at the weekend, weather permitting, so he can receive his diploma thing. However, due to the increase in snow, I am wondering what I have in my wardrobe that will not lead to imminent hypothermia and his mum fussing over me while I get ill again and annoy them with my cough. Also, on a update of Renaud's unnatural sleeping habits, we have now had him literally rolling over me, thinking I was just a odd piece of mattress, singing Ray Charles "I got a woman" (the original before "Golddigger") in his sleep - he hummed most of it then went "OH, I GOT A WOMMMANNNN!" really loudly, then rolled over snoring - and more talking in his sleep about nothing.I get the feeling there are those of you (Probably Scottish folk) Who do not believe the Frenchman exists, because he is just all kinds of bizarre.


 I also woke up at 7h35 the other day and told him "it's 25 to 8, you can sleep for another hour". Instead, he heard "It's 25 past 8, and I'm getting up for a shower". A cup of tea and a facebook update later, he jumps out of bed like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY AREN'T YOU IN A SHOWER?!" After getting pretty miffed at being woken up so early, but content at the thought of another hours sleep, I continued to ruin his morning by screaming "LOOK AT THE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!" at him. Needless to say, he didn't care. Sometimes I think he think's I'm just crazy and I just say words.

Pretty accurate description, really.

Insomnia: An ERASMUS tale

Until recently, I never really respected the phrase "Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing", or however the saying goes. As a young teenager and up until probably the end of last year, I needed a maximum of 6 hours sleep or less to function properly, and getting up early was never a problem. Getting up early still isn't much of a problem, mainly because when it's considered "early morning", I AM STILL AWAKE. This "good thing" I speak of is, of course, sleeping, which has led to fairly bad insomnia. As my days turn into nights, and the weather becomes increasingly colder and darker, I forget where I am in time. Falling asleep has become increasingly difficult, even though I am not particuarly stressed. I blame the 6 am club finishes, personally.

Honestly, though, I just think it is me rebelling in the madness of free, independent living. I can finally do what I want, when I want, except for when crazy lady shouts at us, but I ignore her anyway as I am not French, therefore play the JE NE PARLE PAS FRANCAIS! card, which is always confusing for people. I don't particuarly enjoy sleeping to be honest, yet when I'm bored, I'll say to myself "Have a nap, Lauren, just for an hour", then I'll wake up at 7pm and wonder where my life has went. Also, in true British style, I'm a crazy tea drinker, so drinking tea late alongside sleeping late is a recipe for disaster. My record? awake until 10 AM. Then staying awake the rest of the day so as to not waste a day. Crazy? Maybe.

I also think it has something to do with the time of year, i.e. Christmas, and this being my first time away from home so close to Christmas time. Not to sound needy or immature or anything, but it is something that has really hit me hard, as I didn't realise how much of a routine my family, friends and I had back in Scotland when it came to Christmas. Like how Rebecca (my twin sister - again, another huge reason for being a bit down) and I like to watch "The Mupper Christmas Carol" (you KNOW it is the best Christmas movie EVER!) and drink tea and eat chocolate together, then watch other versions of "A Christmas Carol" like "Scrooge" etc, and laze around in our pyjamas and watch old videos of Christmas' past etc. I know that might sound strange or childish or, well, a bit gay to you, but every person has their own special thing that they like to do at Christmas, and spending a lot of time with my friends and family is one of them. I guess I can't sleep too well because I'm thinking about what I would be doing at home if I were with everyone.

But then, I reflect on the fact that I have excellent friends here with which I could do the very same. So maybe it isn't so much the people, but the place. Poitiers has Christmas lights up, but they haven't been switched on yet, nor are there a lot of decorations, unlike what I expect Greenock or Gourock to look like back home. Thinking of it, Glasgow will be looking AMAZING right now. But I digress... I am thankful that I have friends in Poitiers, and we all are becoming a little more excited about Christmas with each passing day - who says you have to be a child to get excited? There is already talk of which advent calenders to buy/ which have already been bought (NB: I have a Top Gear one waiting for me at home!!) and we are having a random Christmas celebration at my residence on the 3rd (all are welcome!!) at which we will all bring something we would eat at Christmas time at home. I will attempt to make shortbread; fair enough, it's more of a Hogmanay treat, but it is easy and delicious. Either that or a trifle. Because I do enjoy a good trifle!! So to say that Poitiers is lacking in Christmas spirit would be a lie.

I have no idea how I got onto Christmas exactly... wait yes I do... AN INSOMNIATIC RAMBLE! It is driving me crazy as I am either a) Constantly asleep or b) Constantly tired. It is no basis for student life. And it is something I have to change; LOL jk my mum will change it for me in Scotland cause she makes me get up early :)

Still, there is the benefit of being able to try and sleep when I stay at Renaud's. Mainly because if I were to get up in the middle of the night and wake him up, he would beat me to death with my own shoes...

Some people are so touchy.

You looks like a boy...

Yet another random update from my (un?)interesting life in Poiters! Ma meilleure amie, Amy, tells me I should give this blog a name, like Quentin, and write in him everyday as to update the world, and Quentin, about my life. I disagree, because I have absolutely nothing I could write everyday except I'm bored, I'm hungry, I'm asleep/ not sleeping. I dunno about you, but that doesn't exactly make for good reading... Anyhoo...

It should also be noted that I have my Iron Maiden ticket for next July. YALDIII!!!!

What's been happening? I won't lie, pretty much the same as always. I'll start where we left off; Friday night began at The Cave with some predrinking with Meg M, Lorna, Jess, Hannah G, Meg R, Steve, Braaaaaadon and The other American Guy? and had some bizarre banter, including the comparison between Star Wars and the American political system. We went to est-ouest after that, where I accidentally poured a beer over Meg Reis, then accidentally broke a glass which shards of went flying at her. I don't mean to be clumsy, nor do I have a vendetta against Megan :P We met Dimitri, Ivan and co after that and we went to the Goule for some French musical fun. As the pictures on facebook suggest, it was a fun, mainly drunken night.

The walk home with Dimitri, Dennis, Ivan and Hannah Mc was the highlight though. After teaching them some useful Scottish words (Baltic - always relevant, I think!), Ivan stopped and pointed ahead of him, and the conversation went as follows:

"Lauren... It looks like a bird, but it's not a bird?"

(But, instead, I heard):

"Lauren... You looks like a boy, but it's not a bird?"

(So...):

"Ivan, did you just say I look like a boy? :| "

To which everyone laughed for a hundred years. Turns out it was a quote from a film. As is "Sauce Dallas", to which again we all found very amusing. My hatred for Ivan has never been stronger :P (NB: I don't actually hate Ivan. Most days :P). So for about 15 minutes the five of us stood there shouting about birds that aren't birds, kebabs and Sauce Dallas. You really have to question what goes on in the minds of French people.

Sleep has been a bit of a no lately, so one morning I got up around, oh, 4am? Lit up my peppermint candle and went about rearranging my room, which is now LOVELY! :D Successful times.
The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, stayed in Saturday night as everyone was a little toooo hungover from Friday :P But had a nice night in, discovering some old videos from when I was about 17... Unattractive times, it has to be said.

Renaud had bantered back to Angouleme on the Friday night and was gone till Sunday, so I met him off the train and we went to stay at his. Through the course of staying at his a few nights a week this past fortnight, I have made a few interesting (or not) discoveries.

1. He has the most bizarre snore I've ever heard in my life - probably because he is French.
2. He talks in his sleep, mostly about being cold, hungry, or random French nonsense.
3. He grind his teeth in his sleep. I can't tell you how annoying it is. :P
4. He likes to whack me in his sleep, while I sleep.

Now, I do not mean the latter in a wife-beaterish way, so put the pitch forks away, but more in a "I'm just gonna throw my limbs all over the place in a really ungraceful manner whilst I toss and turn" sort of way. Most of the time, this results in me being hit in the face. I remember one time Rebecca did it when we were sharing a bad and, being sisters, I assumed she meant it, so whacked her back, much to her surprise. So night time abuse is nothing new to me. The first time it happened I was just dropping off to sleep, then a cold hand whacked off the top of my head. I promptly spun round like "RENAUD, WHAT YOU DOIN MATE?" for him to be mumble something and snore in my face. After keeping me awake all night with his snoring, mumbling and random shivers. The next night, he proceeded to spin round and head butt me in the face. Which in turn woke up him, and he complained about being awake for ages. Nevermind my face being attacked. He does not remember these incidents, SURPRISE SURPRISE... But it's ok because we played Star Wars and listened to 90's music and had nice times :)

I'm sorry this blog has been boring so far. It's hard to think what to write sometimes. Stuff that's relevant or interesting. It's pretty cold over here just now and reports are saying we're going to get snow too. Aye that's gonna be a total laugh.

Sauce Dallas et a plus tard!

Does "All departures" apply to me?

Time for another update on my European adventure, albeit two weeks back into it! The journey from Glasgow to Stanstead was fairly uneventful, apart from looking for Gate 3 instead of Gate 11, then waiting 4 days on a woman "running" (ha) to board the train, and the loser beside me who couldn't resist sitting with their Ipad on Facebook the entire time. I proceeded to listen to some Drum and Bass at an annoyingly loud level just to portray my distaste. On arrival at Stanstead, I approached the desk that said "All departures". Not feeling the wisest at 8.30 am, I asked the woman, who then looked at me rather worryingly:
"Excuse me, but does "All departures" apply to me, too?" WELL, ONLY IF YOU PLAN ON FLYING, LAUREN :/ After a quick jaunt through security, I got myself an Irn Bru, some crisps, a copy of Glamour and begrudgingly took a free copy of "The Times". I then discovered the MAC counter and literally had to drag myself away for fear of bankruptcy. I had to choose between being homeless, or looking fabulous. I'd a looked damn good on the streets!!

A few hours later, Zoe Boden arrived and we flew back to Poitiers in one piece. After being the last to be picked up by the taxi, I quickly ran into my apartment to get changed, eat and pack a bag as I headed to Angouleme. I accidentally got on a slow train, and had a confusing journey through various places on the way to Angouleme. Renaud was there to meet me off the train, and we had a romantic hug on the platform, before I started to babble incoherently about how nervous I was to meet his parents. Needless to say, after almost 2 weeks on Scottish soil, my accent had become thicker, broader and quicker than the bizarre version I had to create as to be understood in Poitiers, so communication between us was a little difficult. Still, after a lot of shrugging, repeating, and generally beating the language barrier to death, we arrived at Renaud's home. To which I hid behind a wall and refused to enter, before his mum found me cowering in fear and ushered me indoors with Renaud laughing at me. His mother, Christine, his dad, Patrick and his younger sister, Margot, were all there to greet me, and it was lovely! And the one thing I did appreciate, though it terrified me to death, was that they spoke at a normal French pace with proper French accents - i.e. 100mph, and just as inarticulate as I am with English. It was VERY difficult, but I got the gist of everything pretty quickly. We went to a party thing with his parents that evening, and after some food, some music and well a bottle or two of rose, I was off speaking French and boring them about my uni. And also dancing with his mum. Not really sure why, but it was fun anyway!

The next day, we visited his grandfather and other members of his family before have a banter off round Angouleme. After persuading him to come into ZARA and H&M, then leaving 5 minutes later because the look of utter despair had arrived on his face, I got to see all the art on the walls of buildings in Angouleme. But, forgot my camera. As I am an idiot. Still, it was a lovely place! We met Ivan later on that night for some drinks in Hacienda, a weird kind of jazz bar. I still hate jazz, but I did educate Renaud on the differences between malt and blended whiskeys, and how you should drink them - not with coke, like he does. He and Ivan also took great delight in the fact my Mum's maiden name is Campbell, as they drink "Clan Campbell" whiskey, so are excited I am from that "Clan". Just like how Renaud asked me "Do you know what H.D. is?". No, sorry; In Scotland, we still either live in castles or mud huts and wear kilts everyday.

The rest of the time in Angouleme was fairly uneventful, apart from me becoming ill and my left tonsil swelling uncontrollably, sleeping till all hours of the day, drinking a hell of a lot of coffee, Renaud completing Zelda, and the joys of French television. After a half hour delay we got the train back on the Tuesday, and that was that. Back in Poitiers!

Thursday brought the arrival of yet another party in Dimitri's, where we consumed much alcohol - some of us more than others!!! It was a good night though, despite a little drama here and there! Friday again was quiet, only because we were resting for Saturday. Now, Saturday. There's a tale. The night began with Hannah G and I watching "Anchorman", shouting out the quotes continually, and drinking (very strong) White Russians. After spilling milk on my floor, stealing my make up, and other forms of verbal abuse, we left for Megan Maguire's house, where she, Lorna, Zoe and Jess were already getting the party going. After a rather revealing game of "I've never", the conversation descended into the most disgusting topics that I will not put on here as they will probably upset my mother - BUT YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THEY WERE! A few sex on the beaches, white Russians, and whatever the hell else later, we were soon dancing to my ssupposedly "shite" choice in music, such as the Spice Girls, Vengaboys, various rap songs, and whatever else. Hannah Mc and Marta showed up just as we began to dance around, and the pictures certainly proved we had a good time. If not a bit of a drunken, mad time.

Hannah, Hannah, Marta and I went to a little bar near Meg's for some drinks, and on the way to the toilets Hannah G and I discovered some kind of secret passage way thing. I.E. we got VERY lost. Still, we discovered plates, bottles of wine, cups/grails... It's all a bit hazy and strange now, but we tried to go further down but got scared and ran back up the stairs, with me shouting "I FEEL LIKE SOMETHINGS CHASING ME!!". Hannah got freaked out and went home after that, and Hannah Mc, Marta and I went to the goule where we had a good old boogie.

Wednesday this week brought an early installment of Dimitri's party, as we had the day off today for remembrance day - how banterful of you, France. Again, alcohol was consumed and much banter was had! It was also Katie's first night out since her return fro Glasgow, and Marta's 21st! After some delicious pecan pie/cake/whatever, Marta's friends gave her presents and the birthday girl proceeded to get fairly drunk. But we made her happy, so we were happy!

Tonight (jeudi soir) I am resting up and doing nothing. Watching some Family Guy, South Park, chatting online and drinking tea. Tomorrow is where the party's at!

On that note, here is a quote from last night that represents every one's liking of my globe necklace, and how we Scottish/English/Irish etc folk have a really gay way of saying "happy birthday":

ERASMUS IN A GLOBE.COM/ FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

Och aye the noo!!

My fabulous Scottish adventure has ended! Unfortunately, because of the crazy French pension strikes, my Ryanair flight on Thursday 28th October was cancelled, so I must fly to Stanstead on Friday morning, at like 8 am, then wait a few hours then fly from there to Poitiers around about 12 o'clock. So bar this slightly irritating news, my week and a half here has been fabulous!

After staying at Amy and Taylor's for some wine drinking, watching crap tv and getting trapped in the mini jail again for a while, the week was fairly uneventful. I visited my grandmother, bantered around Greenock with Becca and met up with Lyall and Max in Cafe Balfe for some good catching up and some chocolate fudge cake. After learning that me driving after 6 weeks wasn't the best idea, as I seemingly kept nearly ramming another car (I didn't though!), we got to Balfe in one piece, if not a little deaf due to blasting some David Guetta and other crazy French tunes at crazy decibel levels. We gossiped, discussed the Frenchman, and I told them about my fabulous life as an aristocratic French gentlemen. I also learned and have since continued to use our newest catchphrase - Dreamboat. Slightly frightening when Max says it to Lyall, but that's because it's Ladies Night and we're feeling right!! A short trip to Tesco followed, where Max kept reminding me to buy bread and butter, but instead I bought bread and milk, only realising when I got home that instead of 2 litres of milk, I only needed a small tub of butter. I blame the language barrier...

Many quotes have been had over the past week, including "One night in the USSR: The memoirs of Lauren Aitken"; "I even thought he was hot!" "...You say that as if you're a lesbian"; "You're such a DREAMBOATTT!!"; "I spent many years fantasising about academic life"; "A bank of adjectives!"; "Psycho killer, QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST?!"; "Apparently, she ate a chicken wrap?!"; "Mange a bonttt" (NOT REAL FRENCH, just a nice "rhyme" Max made). I've also been asked about a thousand times, "Have you had frogs legs or snails?" and the answer is NON. Also, my tasty Frenchman informs me that less than 5% of the French population eat snails, so there's one to remember for any quiz nights.

Saturday brought the semi-annual (lol) trip to RED, where we had many a £1 drink and shots, and i managed NOT to spill the Jaffa Cake shot down myself (it's a split shot glass). After dancing rather crazily to "Commander", Lyall, Becca, Louise, Sally, Dunning and I took command (HAHAHA :| ) of the stage and danced well into the night. Many an attractive picture was taken, as well as a few videos? That you can't see anything in? Silly Lauren, filming the darkness/strobe lights : /

On Sunday, my parents took Rebecca and I to Braehead for some shopping, and they spent many a pounds on lovely new clothes for us, including a lovely jacket from Dorothy Perkins FOR £5!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was very excited. We also had a tasty Starbucks and a big Sunday dinner, so all were happy :D Even mum and dad got new clothes haha!

Monday night brought another trip to Amy's flat, where we got ready for a metal night out on the town! Sally was with me on the train to Queen's Park (Glasgow) in order to pick up her Halloween costume from Amy's (COSTUME REMAINS UNDISCLOSED). All I can say is that she will look EXCELLENT. Though the three of us did experiment with false facial hair, and it must be said that Amy and I REALLY SUIT BEARDS!! Facebook will have the pictures shortly :D A few vodka's and singalongs later, Amy and I bantered off to the Solid Rock, only to discover that it was a ticketed event only!! So after some skipping, taking random pictures etc, we went to Rufus T's, it's sister bar, for a large jug of Blood Bath cocktails :) Which were tastier than it sounds! After some gossip, a large amount of bitching about life, complaining about Scotland, conceding that we love Scotland but wish it was a tad more exciting, getting a few more vodka's and JD's on the go, running to the bathroom and getting lost, and missing yet another pub quiz, we went to Firewater for some fun. After deliberating whether to hit The Garage or Campus, we got ANOTHER jug of cocktails, ran away from some men in suits, and found a nice cosy booth to have a romantic time. Crazy picture time happened here, and our happiness and love for one another poured out, as we reminisced about past times and how much we missed one another, like a couple reunited after the war.

We decided just to stay in firewater deliberating should we enter the padded wall dance floor (we didn't). Amy had been singing the Talking Head's song "Psycho Killer" all night, and it came on, making us very excitable as we danced in our seats (coincidentally, next to the dance floor). The alcohol finally hit us at long last, i.e. after some shots and Jagerbombs, and we got all emotional, telling each other never to leave one another etc. We got a taxi home not long after that, and we cooked a pizza and I ate ALL OF IT. AND I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN!!

The next morning wasn't funny though. Hungover and a tad cranky, Amy and I shuffled off to Glasgow uni as she had classes. I sat in the Reading Room instead with a coffee, slightly dying, but remembering the year before where we would all meet at 11 for brunch/lunch/etc. I almost text everyone, till I remembered I was only a visitor. It has taken me this week and a half to acclimatise, i guess, to Scotland and living with my parents again. It is a very odd concept I'll admit. We had some food in the QMU, and went off to take pictures, much to Amy's embarrassment. We then had a manly slapping hug, and we parted for another 7 weeks. Sad times :(

I got my hair cut again on the Tuesday, and had a good chat with the Frenchman and a few others back home. It should also be noted that Zoe Boden and I share an eternal love for Heath Ledger, and that he WAS  pretty guy :D

Today (Wednesday), I had a long lie and then Rachel, Rebecca and I watched "Hocus Pocus" and then "The fox and the hound". IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I've just sat and watched tv in my jammies avec the parents for the rest of the night. It's nice to sit and sleep on comfy furniture again!

Tomorrow I have the doctors, visiting my nanny and some shopping to do. Then it's back to Poitiers, then off to Angoulême on Friday evening! Look out, Poitiers... I'm bringing Irn Bru with me :D

Alba gu brath!

Hello from a sunny but rather cold Scotland! I finally made it back on Sunday 17th, safe and sound. So the week before...

Tuesday night was the first time visiting Renaud's flat, and we had a lovely wee night listening to crazy music, like Motown, some Ozzy, and me embarrassing myself over and over by shouting "WHY IS THIS FILM/YOUR KEYBOARD/ THIS SONG IN FRENCH?" at him, then realising what I was saying. Needless to say, he thinks I'm a little crazy, but in an acceptable way. He also made me tea in a tumbler, which was nice :D Gettin the bus back was a riot though, as I got off around a million stops too early and had to walk for 40 minutes :( uncool.

Jeudi soir was pretty funny :D Renaud, Hannah G, Anna and I sat and got pretty drunk in my room, dancing wildly to Dubstep, DnB, etc... But then I got a lil bit too drunk on the old voddy, and was ordered to my bed. With some reluctance, I stayed in my bed and that was that. Friday night wasn't much better, but did include a kebab that had a fried egg on it, the realisation that "CHILLI SAUCE IS ALWAYS RIGHT!", and my embarrassment at encoutering some of our French friends whilst holding said kebab. Hannah Mc thought it was really funny that all I said was: "Shit, there's Dimitri... N AH'VE GIT A KEBAB!" whilst munching into chips, and Dimitri also had a good chuckle, pointing at the container saying "Kebab?". Yes, it was a kebab. I feel no shame in my late night, post-drink choice of snack. Still, on the way home I let out a low-tone scream at how bizarre I must have looked. Even the man who served me looked slightly confused - Girls must not eat kebab's that often. Just like how when we ask for a pint, we get a half pint. I MEAN, REALLY :| If it was Scotland, I could sit there with a pint, munching down on a kebab, and noone would bat an eyelid.

Saturday was Laoise's 21st birthday, and it was a success. After some afternoon shopping with Lisa, which involved buying a lovely new metallica green dress from H&M, I went home to make some pasta and eat some dinner. Probably half of Poitiers' student population was in the building, but it was an excellent party! After some pre drinking at Hannah Mc's, and encountering Renaud and Dimitri in the street and hearing their very bizarre insults at one another, we got lost for a hundred years because noone would listen to my directions (HANNAH!! :P:P). Despite needing to get up early for a flight, we bantered off to the Grand Goule to have an AMAZING night :D The photos are a bit... well... awful... but it was hilarious anyway. I specifically remember laughing at a picture of Hannah and Dimitri for a good 100 years - good job Nicole lent me her batteries!

So here I am back in Scotland. After standing in several wrong queues, I managed to get on a plane by myself, and met Becca and Dad at Edinburgh airport to get home. After a tasty dinner made by my wee mammie, me n becca had a nice time together watching rubbish tv and catching up. Last night, I stayed and Amy and Taylor's and we had a right good old laugh, including Taylor's discovery of Vodka and Tonic, our favourite wine, eating A LOT of crisps and dips, and watching disgusting food shows. MGM, CHICKEN KIEVS AND HOTDOGS ARE OFF THE MENU!

Also, it should be pointed out that Amy found him hot too :P

Again, sorry for a slightly more boring blog, but again, I'm not a comedian; I'm merely ginger.

NUTS FOR NUTELLA!

It's a crazily warm Monday evening - the perfect time for another blog!

Well! The madness that has gone on the past week or so...
Last week, I decided I'd go and get my nose pierced! After a 2 day build up, soul searching etc, Megan, Hannah Mc and I bantered over to the tattoo and piercing parlour, where I casually enquired (15 minutes before closing time) "Ce possible d'avoir une piercing de ma nez?", to which the man gave me a very amused look and said "Mais, oui!" (no joke) and ushered us to the waiting area. After discussing whether I'd get a ring or stud (We'll leave the ring for Megan) I was taking into the piercing room - on my own. After being given all the info and instructions in French (AND UNDERSTANDING! :D) the lovely girl presented me with the needle she'd be stabbing my face with. Some panic ensued, but not as much as usually. She clamped my nose with tongs, which made me giggle, before proceeding to stab my nose. After the initial shock and a bit of a OOOOOOOOOH!!! moment, i saw the tube sticking out my nose and laughed uncontrollably for a while. She then slid through the stud, which again was a bit sore, and that was that. A shiny new piercing! So we ambled off home, then went and got drunk that night. Excellent!!

Bit of backtracking, Hannah and I also enjoyed a "fgoos" time (a slight misspelling of "good") with chocolate and wine on Monday, as Adam went home :( GUTTED FOR YOUUUUUU!

Thursday was, yet again, Dimitri's party. Jeudi soir is always a highlight here. Ok, it should be noted that last saturday (the 2nd) I met a Frenchman I quite liked - Renaud. After bantering all week and overcoming an amusing language barrier, we finally met again on Thursday and lets just say there were some sparks.There was also a weird menthol vodka drink, but we'll discuss that at a later date.

And yes, Je suis now in a relationship with said Frenchman. I came to Poitiers, and I fell in love. MY LIFE IS OBV A DISNEY FILM!

But back to the party...

Due to Hannah, Katie and Marta's inabilities to arrive anywhere on time, they came to mine about 10. Whereas everyone else was in full party mode at Dimitri's. Still, after some heinekin, stella and wine, we shuffled off to Dimitri's, stopping to buy more cheap wine on the way. After tanning some wine on a street corner (as you do), we walked for 4 days to Dimitri's. It was a good party, where I played some guitar, made some jokes, talked a lotta crap, and got a bit drunk. After helping Colin take Laoise home, and chasing Katie while she ran off to kick things (???) we managed to make it home.

Friday night was a similar kettle of fish. The girls arrived late, again. I made them a tasty spag bol and then some Angel Delight, but Hannah dismissed this fabulous dessert with an air of distaste, and announced she'd never had it before. Sheltered childhood.net. We ambled off to... est ouest? I think? Either way, we ended up in the grand goulle where we had many a laugh and dance! We arrived home sometime after 5, with sore feet and raging appetites. So, I made some egg friend rice to keep away scurvy :)

Saturday was more exciting again! There had been a festival thing on for many days, so we finally decided to attend. After watching some crazy bands, getting some Desperados for 3E60 - a bargain! - Katie and I ventured into the tent for a boogie. After dancing for a while Katie announced she wanted to "fuck off out of Poitiers, and travel round europe and dance with bells on her feet". I laughed for a thousand years, before the singer screamed "JE M'APPELLE STEEVEEEEEEEEE!!" down the microphone, which Katie and I carried on yelling for the remainder of the night. Another trip to est-ouest and then we bantered to the goulle with almost everyone we knew, and partied hard to 5 am again. I remember dancing on the podium with Marta, which can obv only be a good thing :)

It should be noted Renaud went back to Angouleme Friday evening, so on his return on Sunday we spent a lovely evening together, practicing our French and English with the help of the dictionary. Of course, my mishearing skills were top notch, as we practiced oral (ooer) translation at our natural speed of speech and lack of articulation. He said "Tu es tres belle", but I thought he said "ou est la poubelle?" so I sorta shouted "Where is the bin?!?!?" at him, to which he gave me a very bizarre look. The madness continued as I tried to talk in French and got confused and said "Tant pis, Renaud" (which means "nevermind, Renaud") and again he looked at me like I was absolutely mental and said "Sandwich?". After this, we sang our own rendition of "Non, je ne regrette rien" and he went home. Obv, this relationship is going to produce some amazing and hilarious banter.

So, needless to say, Poitiers is turning out to be an excellent place, what with Team Glasgow's banter, Hannah G's "fgoos times", Moi et mon petit ami, and of course, vodka caramel shots.

Poitiers, Je t'aime :D

A reminder of home

I received a package today from home :D Full of "surprises", you could say. A letter/cooking instructions/random nonsense from the family, 3 different types of microwave rice, a packet of macaroni, Coleman's cheese sauce, strawberry Angel Delight, a packet of Gold biscuits, 4 bars of Galaxy, a tub of Bisto and my phone and it's charger. You have to question the necessity and nutrional values of these items, but I had a gracious cry nonetheless. Thank you family <3


It was then that I remembered I had a blog all about 2nd year Glasgow Uni banter on Bebo and have decided it should take it's rightful place here, along with more memorable facts from 1st year of uni and beyond.


I apologise for any indecent language, kids will be kids etc:

Me: I just can't do Kant!!
Amy: Excellent philosophy joke right there!

Me: I can smell wet dog?
Amy: Well, Lauren, you are a gun dog!!
Me: :| shut up, robin face

After an in depth chat about the war on iraq, the government, recession and migratory swallows, we reached this conclusion:
Me: Well, none of this will matter when we are King.
Amy: You mean Kings?
Me: No. Collectively, we will be a king. A conjoined twin King, perhaps.
Amy: Excellent. We have all the necessary knowledge; how to settle differences diplomatically -
Me: How, exactly?
Amy: With Chess, obv! Of course, neither of us can play chess, so we'll have to learn, but as King this shouldn't be a problem.
Me: I agree. And of course your outstanding knowledge of swallows will be a key element to our successful reign; How the African swallow is non-migratory, for example...
Amy: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

Answeing any and every question with "me".

Amy: I f***in hate those Panda hats!
Me:I know, me too. They're just so ridiculous
Amy:Where'd you even get them anyway?
Me: I think I saw some in Hellfire or Osiris or something like that.
Amy: Oh, well that explains it.
Me:Yeah, basically children + panda hat = apparent originality.
Amy: I know, it practically invites paedophiles.
Me: Yeah, the people who wear them are basically saying (In a slightly creepy voice)
"Come and touch ma PANDA HAT!!"
Amy:... EXACTLY!!

Sitting in the QMU having lunch with Amy, mid convo, when a guy at a table himself goes nuts:
Guy: AAAAAAAAAAH!!
*exchanged glances of "WTF?!"
Amy: What the hell is wrong with him?
Me:I dunno man!
Guy: I had ONE thing to do, ONE THING!! God i KNEW there was something! Why didn't i just do it?...
Amy: ?????..... yeah so anyway....
Me: *Turns and laughs hysterically

*Drivin on the way to uni, some idiot driver won't stay in a lane then a van nearly kills us:
Me: Shit driver's are shit.
Becca: Shit drivers ARE shit.

Amy: Sorry I'm late, I had to see a man about a dog!

3/2/2010 - Probably the most epic lunchtime chat the QMU has ever experienced, thanks to Nadia, Amy and I. Think we frightened wee Kirsty though. And excited the boys behind us :P:

Nadia: He was rubbin away and I was all woah wait a minute, are you tryin to sand it or somethin?

Kirsty has a guilty past. Fact. Why else would she eat cheese and banana sandwiches :D

Amy: So what's John like when he's drunk?
Me: He's very affectionate both sober and drunk.
Amy: What? I didn't catch that
Me: I said he's very... eh...what was that word I just used to describe him again?
Becca: Affectionate?
Me: Yeah, that's it; he's affectionate...

Michel and his general misunderstandings of simple questions, for example:
Me: "Who is taking us for Gaelic Language?"
Michel: "Well, Lauren, you'll be in this building for all your classes"
Me: "Yes, I realise that, but who will be taking us?"
Michel: "Well you'll have classes every day except a Friday for Gaelic, as you don't have to do the backgroung history lectures"
Me: "...I see. So  who will be lecturing us for reading and language?"
Michel: "Well, obviously, lecturers from the Gaelic and Celtic departments will be lecturing you..."
:|

Have you ever been in the underground at Govan so long your phone got a signal? Me and Rebecca have :|

*I tripped (as per) in the middle of a conversation between Kirsty and Becca; they carry on talking for a moment before:
Me: Man, I totally thought-
Kirsty: You were gonna fall there?
Becca: Yeah, we heard your shoes scraping about n saw you shuffling out the corner of our eyes
Me: Dammit, I thought I'd gotten away with it :|

*Talking about Becca's lecturer Dr Sneddon, how Christina thinks hes attractive, and becca's ex:
Me: Christina thinks that Sneddon is totally hot
Becca: Ew. Really? He kinda looks like Craig -
Me: Really? How so
Becca: Cause he's got the same kinda mouth. But he's like forty and he wears waistcoats and has a pocket watch!
Kirsty: Who's this?
Me: Becca's ex boyfriend
Kirsty: Becca's boyfriend is forty and wears waistcoats and is Dr Sneddon?
Me: What?? Rebecca's boyfriend is Mark!!
Kirsty:...I'm so confused :(

The QMU only plays metal in the 18-22 age range at Revolution on Tuesdays; clearly, Amy and I are far too old school.

I wonder what Robert Palmer would have to say about all this?

Amy: "How drunk are you?"
Me:"Eh.. I'm not bad actually. Yeah, I'm ok :) you?"
Amy: "Yeah... No, I'm pretty wasted."

Amy: Here's those jammies you wantedd
Me *takes off top: "No f**k offfff!!!" *dies

Metal guys: "Yooz goin to the Qmu?"
Me and Amy: "Eh... yes...why?"
Metal guys: "Cool, see yooz in there"
Us: "Eh...naw?"

Nadia: Feel free to tell them not to burn my nachos!;

12pm is SALAD TIME!!;

Me/Amy:A GRAIL?!?!?!
Christina: What is a grail, and why do you keep demanding one...

Philosophy banter:Grail boy, girl we hate, fleece body warmer boy and "where the hell do you shop from?" guy; Fire alarm madness: pen throwing, getting trapped between chairs, leg failure on the stairs, screaming "Go on without me!" and "Grab a limb, boys!" (Infront of strangers).
Philoso-punch.
Me (to Amy): I tried to catch your eye about how the guy was wearing velour trousers, but the guy with chest hair caught me looking and I has to abort.
We found Paul Brownsey on University Challenge!!
Morris dancing in a living room?

The many, many debates we have had in the QMU with Gail and lost.

The first every cheesy pop night with me, Mark, Amy and Christina. Play that funky music white boy! *White man dance

Afternoon drinks? Only on a Tuesday. Sometimes a Thursday.

Did you vote Tory?

The many discussions Nadia and Rebecca had about their bowels.

Ladies Nights - drinking ridiculously strong cocktails, playing the YMCA out into my quiet street, dancing to the macarena, wearing facemasks, watching disgusting videos, and generally being cool.

That year everyone's birthday party was in my house.

That time Becca and I learned to drive. And so, the Disco Mobile was born :D

Becca (very, very drunk): I have two pounds here in my very hand!

That time I tried to climb through the wardrobe?

Or that time I woke up with my bra done over my jammies?

The Spinal Tap halloween extravaganza? We made attractive men.

That time Lyall and I were screaming out of car windows, listening to "commander"?

Punjabi fm?

That time Lyall and I watched the 2D version of "Coraline" with 3D glasses? Long story short - there were 2 discs, so I assumed the other was a bonus disc. What we did was watch the 2D disc. SILLY.

Rose! Rose! Phillip look out!!! and other fantastic Disney quotes. Also, discovering flaws in films.

The dancemat craze? Noone has beat me at crash team racing yet.

That time Amy and I had 3 for £10 bottles of wine. NEVER BUY CHILEAN WINE.

I'm feelin a little bit *crazy hand dance*

Me: His mohawks all floppy...like...
Amy: A floppy thing? wet paper?
Me: No... More like a whale in captivity *does floppy fin action

Umbrella spies strike again! *pole vaults over book shelf.

Me: "When we're walking down the beach they say hey sexy!"
Amy: "...Never say that again"

Sheila's STILL in Portsmouth;

Me:Can we get chicken? (even when there isn't chicken :|)

Generally saying "No" to any request or adding "This is why you fail" to any form of failure/dismay;

 *Llama impression.

Me: Face it, Christina, you just don't have a detective's mind!

Me: Right, Amy, get in that bin! *points
Amy: It's not my fault I'm bio-degredable!

Me: Where's my panini?
Amy: You ate it
Me: Did i? :|:|
Amy: Aye, she handed you it and you just ate it all up
Me:...Wait a f**king minute, no I didnt! I've not even paid yet :|

*Loud bang
Me: What was that?
Amy:What was what?
Me: I thought I'd maybe lost something out my bag, or you know, a limb
Amy: You lost me; I'm still upstairs waiting on your panini!

Amy:Sisters are doing it for themselves!!
Me: Was that on the radio, or was that just for you?
Amy: Nope! Just for me :D

Sitting beside each other talking on facebook - the main past time of university students.

Billy Grove took us on a tour of the male toilets for French culture (don't ask why) and then asked us what we thought of the urinals
Me:Well, I'm very aroused
Christina: LOL
Billy Grove *raises eyebrow

Amy: Sounds like a sterling plan. And sterling is a word I'd like to bring back very much
Me:I agree, however, my comeback word for 2010 at the moment is dobber

Kirsty has an obsession with take away cups and containers. You'll never see her with crockery.

Christina: What's the soup today? (Probably somethign including pea, mint, or pepper)

It took us all about half a year to realise that when Nadia asked "Do you have any craic?", she wasn't asking for drugs :D

I often dramatically mishear things when I'm speaking to Amy;
like that time i thought she was talking about dragons? ( she wasn't)
or when I thought she said salt mints? (again, she didn't)
or when I thought she said "Paradoxically" but she was saying something along the lines of "I'm going home now"

Me:TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE BROTH!!

Me: You know what they say, never rub another man's rhubarb!!

The many, many hours spent drinking tea and eating chocolate where we discuss our favourite childhood programmes and films (usually taking place about once a month)

The night Amy and I replaced "wrecked" with various "R" words (we realise it starts with a W but we don't care): Lets get ramshangled; rotund; revolted; respected; ran over; red pepper'd; resolved; reversed; redundant; reserved; robotic; repeated (ETC)
This lead to the ingenius creation of "Let's get Robert Downey Jnr'd!" and "Let's get Ronnie James Dio'd!"

General 1st year Spanish banter with John McCulloch

The best chat up line ever:
Guy to Nadia's mate: Did you just fart?
Nadia's mate: NO?!?!?!?! why?!?!
Guy: Cause you just blew me away!!

He's definetly black ;)

Me: How crap was New Moon?
Everyone else except Amy: WHAT?!?!?!?!?

*Sings Monty Python and the Holy Grail Prelude

Straws are for the weak!!

It's been a quiet Sunday, accompanied with a mild hangover and an unfortunate loss of my voice. I have finally caught the residential cold. I SAID DON'T GIVE ME IT...

Where to start? Well the kitchen ceiling fell in, again, and they still haven't fixed it, again, and there are mice, AGAIN! But we saw a wee mouse with a long fluffy tail and Eva thought it was adorable, but Sylvia wasn't so sure...

So last weekend... Well it all started 2 Thursdays ago where Hannah Mc, Hannah G, Anna, Katie and Marta all came to mine for some (rather hardcore) pre-drinking and some dubstep fun times. Whilst Katie was hanging out the window having a casual smoke, crazy lady shouted "FERMER LA FINETRE!" at us, in her usual weird "It's 1 minute past 10, I better shout at them!" kind of fashion, to which we shouted "NAW! POURQUOI?" back. She didn't say much after that, thank god. So after much beer, wine, more wine, and a half bottle of wine to take for the journey, we sauntered off to Est-Ouest - because we are lame and seem to have nowhere better to go. So, as always, we bought the metre of shots (WHY?!) and carried on drinking cocktails etc. It seemed clear we were pretty drunk, so decided it would be a good idea to go to the goulle (the night club). Wrong... Hannah and I didn't get in, we say we don't know why but we know it's because we were absolutely wrecked, so we shuffled and staggered off home. This is where the night took a rather exciting turn. I thought I'd just went home, went to bed etc, like normal folk do. The madness began when I woke up to discover what was the remains of spaghetti bolognese. I ignored this, presuming it had been my dinner from the night before. But then I remembered I'd had something else for tea; I'd came home drunk and cooked myself a meal. On a gas stove. That you have to light with a lighter. Vaguely, I could remember being a domestic goddess and put it behind me. Most of Friday was spent dying and eating, so that was fine.

Then Saturday arrived... Lisa, Martine, Anna, Mahi, Carola, Antoine, Katrin and I all went bowling, which was super fun, even though I was super crap. I was sitting having some tea and lunch before we left, when Lisa bounded into the kitchen, and laughed. What is so funny? I enquired. She said something back like "it sounded like you were having a good night last night!". Which was odd, as she wasn't out. Basically, to cut a long story short, I returned home about 4.30 am, so Hannah and I must have literaly CRAWLED home, singing in FLUENT French. Which is all very well, BUT I DON'T KNOW ANY FRENCH SONGS. I then apparently proceeded to start muttering and arguing, presumably with myself, in "a mad Scottish rant". It has to be asked; Where do I go at night? And what do I do? It was also assumed that the angry message left on the board about plates was probably from me to me, as I was taking a plate to my room. Can't say I'm not clever!

So we went bowling, went shopping in Casino etc, then the Saturday night banter again. It was off to Zoe's where I met a rather tipsy Lorna who just yelled "YOU'VE MISSED SO MUCH!" (and so I had - She had a boyfriend now?!), Zoe and Hannah G. We drank some wine (again) and headed off to the ERASMUS party, which was outside, so very, very baltic. We then bailed on that and headed to Est-ouest AGAIN!! Where we had more shots, more cocktails, and more banter. We went to the grand goulle, again, got in this time... but I don't remember much of it. It was also Roxanne and Kim's birthday weekends so everyone was on tip top form, i.e. on the floor, so that was that. Another stagger off home, and that was the weekend.

The week was fairly uneventful, but, inevitably, Jeudi Soir rolled round again and Hannah G and I bantered off to meet Marta, Katie and Hannah Mc at Marta's flat. After much drinking, random texting of boys etc, we went to... EST BLOODY OUEST. But Hannah never got in because for the first time in a billion years, we got I.D.'d and she had none. WHAT THE HELL, FRANCE? I had a burger from Quick, though - amazing!!

Friday night... Can you see where this is probably going? Est ouest, cafe des arts, all the ERASMUS folk out, followed by a cool electro bar that was inhabited by the under agers. Shweet.

Saturday night... E/O again... lots of cocktails... few shots... and the understanding that this is a "European Adventure!" and the agreement of "Big heels, short dress" night. We shall see! Zoe and Lorna have also admitted undying love for one another this weekend, and dressed in a typically English way - take a guess...

We then tried to go to the goulle, again, but got turned away because, and I quote, "We don't want foreign types like you in here". Thanks for the xenophobia, Poitiers :\

Also, French people have to get a grip on the fact that:

a) it is DISGUSTING that NOONE washes their hands when they come out the toilet.
b)The toilets are a DISGRACE!!
c) There are such things as toilet seats. INVEST IN THESE!

Pasta, pasta, pasta...

Like every other student, I am sick to the back teeth of pasta. Spaghetti, penne, even chinese noodles, I am sick of it. But at the same time, I am too lazy to walk all the way up that hill to go to Monoprix or ge the bus to Casino. It's a hard life being a student, I tell you.

What's new? Well, the intensive language course thing I was to attend today (AT HALF 5 TO HALF 7! WHAT!!) has actually been moved to a Wednesday, as I gladly found out 45 mintes before it was due to start (prompt as always, Univ. de Poitiers). Still, this means I had a whole other day to do nothing but tidy, sleep and cook pasta. What a leisurely life I lead!

I emailed Dougal Campbell again (Univ. de Poitiers could do with taking a leaf out of that man's punctuality book) for advice on my timetable, but yet again I was told I had free choice etc, so I still feel none the wiser. Still, I don't have to sit 30 credits worth of subjects over here, so it's an ultimate win.

I still can't really make my mind up about Poitiers. I think once I feel more settled I will explore it more, take the Notre Dame tour etc. It is a beautiful place, very medieval and full of old buildings and architecture that's so different fro what we see in Scotland. Like the buildings with the black lines painted down them, and the French window shutters etc. And there are a lot of people walking around with stripey t-shirts and baguettes. No joke. This place is stereotype city! But it is fascinating. It's peculiar, though, the one really dodgy street in the place is the street across the road on the right of our residence; dodgy pubs and shops and characters etc. Weird creepy men. But it has an off licence that stays open past 11 so it's a good place for a last minute stock up.

I realise this has been a boring but perhaps factual blog. You can't expect a joke-a-minute all the time!

There's a urinal... outside the girl's toilet door?!

Here is small list of memories I have compiled so far in my little notebook :)

Mind that time...

• Anna and I DIDN'T get lost, and she DIDN'T run out of money?
• All those times we drank wine in the street?
• We walked up and down all those stairs. EVERY DAY.
• The place flooded and the kitchen ceiling fell in?
• We got mice?
• The first time we got the bus, and got lost?
• There was a urinal right outside the door of the girls toilet?
• All the french waiters were rude?
• I met the 1 other Scottish person in Poitiers?
• We went to the uni and it looked like a prison?
• The uni's cafeteria and food were AMAZING! And for only 3 euros :)
• Crazy lady kept shouting at us to be quiet? SHE'S CRAZY!
• Katrin and Irene were really drunk?
• "We'll put the drunk people in the middle"?
• We ate WAY too much pasta?
• I brought too much stuff with me?
• Everyone spoke German and I was all, "Wit?" ?
• The girl that moved in then left after a day?
• When you asked for a coffee you got a tiny little coffee. Not a real one?
• You heard the train all day and night?
• The walls were so thin I could basically here my flatmates breathing?
• I slept till 5pm?
• I thought the rain was actually the sound of the train?
• I got sunburnt?
• Me n Lisa ditched a party an went and got wrecked?
• We had jager in a tube?
• We had the girafe?
• Carola, Mahi and I made fajitas?
• Everyone took a million photos a night?
• I taught everyone some handy Scottish phrases?
• Stephen Morrison AKA SteveMo looked like Michael Gambon? And had a Monty Python dvd on his desk?
• I used Skype, and failed?
• I changed the bins and left the following angry message on the wall?:

a)Who was taught that the floor was a bin?
b) Who doesn't know how to change a bin bag?

• I made a very tasty chow mein?
• I kept failing to tidy my room?
• I randomly fell?
• That old guy was in the picture?
• I was really hungover?
• Vodka caramel shots?
• We went to the bar/club called Havanitas beside est-ouest and people were moshing to Edith Piaf?
• Vine in oil bottles?
• Walking for miles and swearing at the wilderness?
• Creepy French guys?
• Eating chips but really they were fries?
• The dinner party with all the food and a billion people?
• The French supermarkets didn't store their milk in fridges?
• We discovered the H&M and Zara?
• We got shoes for 10 euros?
• The old French man put his hand down his breeks and was all "Can I sit with you girls?" NAW YOU CAN'T MATE.
• We had a grog (a drink, not the spit)?