I received a package today from home :D Full of "surprises", you could say. A letter/cooking instructions/random nonsense from the family, 3 different types of microwave rice, a packet of macaroni, Coleman's cheese sauce, strawberry Angel Delight, a packet of Gold biscuits, 4 bars of Galaxy, a tub of Bisto and my phone and it's charger. You have to question the necessity and nutrional values of these items, but I had a gracious cry nonetheless. Thank you family <3
It was then that I remembered I had a blog all about 2nd year Glasgow Uni banter on Bebo and have decided it should take it's rightful place here, along with more memorable facts from 1st year of uni and beyond.
I apologise for any indecent language, kids will be kids etc:
Me: I just can't do Kant!!
Amy: Excellent philosophy joke right there!
Me: I can smell wet dog?
Amy: Well, Lauren, you are a gun dog!!
Me: :| shut up, robin face
After an in depth chat about the war on iraq, the government, recession and migratory swallows, we reached this conclusion:
Me: Well, none of this will matter when we are King.
Amy: You mean Kings?
Me: No. Collectively, we will be a king. A conjoined twin King, perhaps.
Amy: Excellent. We have all the necessary knowledge; how to settle differences diplomatically -
Me: How, exactly?
Amy: With Chess, obv! Of course, neither of us can play chess, so we'll have to learn, but as King this shouldn't be a problem.
Me: I agree. And of course your outstanding knowledge of swallows will be a key element to our successful reign; How the African swallow is non-migratory, for example...
Amy: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
Answeing any and every question with "me".
Amy: I f***in hate those Panda hats!
Me:I know, me too. They're just so ridiculous
Amy:Where'd you even get them anyway?
Me: I think I saw some in Hellfire or Osiris or something like that.
Amy: Oh, well that explains it.
Me:Yeah, basically children + panda hat = apparent originality.
Amy: I know, it practically invites paedophiles.
Me: Yeah, the people who wear them are basically saying (In a slightly creepy voice)
"Come and touch ma PANDA HAT!!"
Amy:... EXACTLY!!
Sitting in the QMU having lunch with Amy, mid convo, when a guy at a table himself goes nuts:
Guy: AAAAAAAAAAH!!
*exchanged glances of "WTF?!"
Amy: What the hell is wrong with him?
Me:I dunno man!
Guy: I had ONE thing to do, ONE THING!! God i KNEW there was something! Why didn't i just do it?...
Amy: ?????..... yeah so anyway....
Me: *Turns and laughs hysterically
*Drivin on the way to uni, some idiot driver won't stay in a lane then a van nearly kills us:
Me: Shit driver's are shit.
Becca: Shit drivers ARE shit.
Amy: Sorry I'm late, I had to see a man about a dog!
3/2/2010 - Probably the most epic lunchtime chat the QMU has ever experienced, thanks to Nadia, Amy and I. Think we frightened wee Kirsty though. And excited the boys behind us :P:
Nadia: He was rubbin away and I was all woah wait a minute, are you tryin to sand it or somethin?
Kirsty has a guilty past. Fact. Why else would she eat cheese and banana sandwiches :D
Amy: So what's John like when he's drunk?
Me: He's very affectionate both sober and drunk.
Amy: What? I didn't catch that
Me: I said he's very... eh...what was that word I just used to describe him again?
Becca: Affectionate?
Me: Yeah, that's it; he's affectionate...
Michel and his general misunderstandings of simple questions, for example:
Me: "Who is taking us for Gaelic Language?"
Michel: "Well, Lauren, you'll be in this building for all your classes"
Me: "Yes, I realise that, but who will be taking us?"
Michel: "Well you'll have classes every day except a Friday for Gaelic, as you don't have to do the backgroung history lectures"
Me: "...I see. So who will be lecturing us for reading and language?"
Michel: "Well, obviously, lecturers from the Gaelic and Celtic departments will be lecturing you..."
:|
Have you ever been in the underground at Govan so long your phone got a signal? Me and Rebecca have :|
*I tripped (as per) in the middle of a conversation between Kirsty and Becca; they carry on talking for a moment before:
Me: Man, I totally thought-
Kirsty: You were gonna fall there?
Becca: Yeah, we heard your shoes scraping about n saw you shuffling out the corner of our eyes
Me: Dammit, I thought I'd gotten away with it :|
*Talking about Becca's lecturer Dr Sneddon, how Christina thinks hes attractive, and becca's ex:
Me: Christina thinks that Sneddon is totally hot
Becca: Ew. Really? He kinda looks like Craig -
Me: Really? How so
Becca: Cause he's got the same kinda mouth. But he's like forty and he wears waistcoats and has a pocket watch!
Kirsty: Who's this?
Me: Becca's ex boyfriend
Kirsty: Becca's boyfriend is forty and wears waistcoats and is Dr Sneddon?
Me: What?? Rebecca's boyfriend is Mark!!
Kirsty:...I'm so confused :(
The QMU only plays metal in the 18-22 age range at Revolution on Tuesdays; clearly, Amy and I are far too old school.
I wonder what Robert Palmer would have to say about all this?
Amy: "How drunk are you?"
Me:"Eh.. I'm not bad actually. Yeah, I'm ok :) you?"
Amy: "Yeah... No, I'm pretty wasted."
Amy: Here's those jammies you wantedd
Me *takes off top: "No f**k offfff!!!" *dies
Metal guys: "Yooz goin to the Qmu?"
Me and Amy: "Eh... yes...why?"
Metal guys: "Cool, see yooz in there"
Us: "Eh...naw?"
Nadia: Feel free to tell them not to burn my nachos!;
12pm is SALAD TIME!!;
Me/Amy:A GRAIL?!?!?!
Christina: What is a grail, and why do you keep demanding one...
Philosophy banter:Grail boy, girl we hate, fleece body warmer boy and "where the hell do you shop from?" guy; Fire alarm madness: pen throwing, getting trapped between chairs, leg failure on the stairs, screaming "Go on without me!" and "Grab a limb, boys!" (Infront of strangers).
Philoso-punch.
Me (to Amy): I tried to catch your eye about how the guy was wearing velour trousers, but the guy with chest hair caught me looking and I has to abort.
We found Paul Brownsey on University Challenge!!
Morris dancing in a living room?
The many, many debates we have had in the QMU with Gail and lost.
The first every cheesy pop night with me, Mark, Amy and Christina. Play that funky music white boy! *White man dance
Afternoon drinks? Only on a Tuesday. Sometimes a Thursday.
Did you vote Tory?
The many discussions Nadia and Rebecca had about their bowels.
Ladies Nights - drinking ridiculously strong cocktails, playing the YMCA out into my quiet street, dancing to the macarena, wearing facemasks, watching disgusting videos, and generally being cool.
That year everyone's birthday party was in my house.
That time Becca and I learned to drive. And so, the Disco Mobile was born :D
Becca (very, very drunk): I have two pounds here in my very hand!
That time I tried to climb through the wardrobe?
Or that time I woke up with my bra done over my jammies?
The Spinal Tap halloween extravaganza? We made attractive men.
That time Lyall and I were screaming out of car windows, listening to "commander"?
Punjabi fm?
That time Lyall and I watched the 2D version of "Coraline" with 3D glasses? Long story short - there were 2 discs, so I assumed the other was a bonus disc. What we did was watch the 2D disc. SILLY.
Rose! Rose! Phillip look out!!! and other fantastic Disney quotes. Also, discovering flaws in films.
The dancemat craze? Noone has beat me at crash team racing yet.
That time Amy and I had 3 for £10 bottles of wine. NEVER BUY CHILEAN WINE.
I'm feelin a little bit *crazy hand dance*
Me: His mohawks all floppy...like...
Amy: A floppy thing? wet paper?
Me: No... More like a whale in captivity *does floppy fin action
Umbrella spies strike again! *pole vaults over book shelf.
Me: "When we're walking down the beach they say hey sexy!"
Amy: "...Never say that again"
Sheila's STILL in Portsmouth;
Me:Can we get chicken? (even when there isn't chicken :|)
Generally saying "No" to any request or adding "This is why you fail" to any form of failure/dismay;
*Llama impression.
Me: Face it, Christina, you just don't have a detective's mind!
Me: Right, Amy, get in that bin! *points
Amy: It's not my fault I'm bio-degredable!
Me: Where's my panini?
Amy: You ate it
Me: Did i? :|:|
Amy: Aye, she handed you it and you just ate it all up
Me:...Wait a f**king minute, no I didnt! I've not even paid yet :|
*Loud bang
Me: What was that?
Amy:What was what?
Me: I thought I'd maybe lost something out my bag, or you know, a limb
Amy: You lost me; I'm still upstairs waiting on your panini!
Amy:Sisters are doing it for themselves!!
Me: Was that on the radio, or was that just for you?
Amy: Nope! Just for me :D
Sitting beside each other talking on facebook - the main past time of university students.
Billy Grove took us on a tour of the male toilets for French culture (don't ask why) and then asked us what we thought of the urinals
Me:Well, I'm very aroused
Christina: LOL
Billy Grove *raises eyebrow
Amy: Sounds like a sterling plan. And sterling is a word I'd like to bring back very much
Me:I agree, however, my comeback word for 2010 at the moment is dobber
Kirsty has an obsession with take away cups and containers. You'll never see her with crockery.
Christina: What's the soup today? (Probably somethign including pea, mint, or pepper)
It took us all about half a year to realise that when Nadia asked "Do you have any craic?", she wasn't asking for drugs :D
I often dramatically mishear things when I'm speaking to Amy;
like that time i thought she was talking about dragons? ( she wasn't)
or when I thought she said salt mints? (again, she didn't)
or when I thought she said "Paradoxically" but she was saying something along the lines of "I'm going home now"
Me:TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE BROTH!!
Me: You know what they say, never rub another man's rhubarb!!
The many, many hours spent drinking tea and eating chocolate where we discuss our favourite childhood programmes and films (usually taking place about once a month)
The night Amy and I replaced "wrecked" with various "R" words (we realise it starts with a W but we don't care): Lets get ramshangled; rotund; revolted; respected; ran over; red pepper'd; resolved; reversed; redundant; reserved; robotic; repeated (ETC)
This lead to the ingenius creation of "Let's get Robert Downey Jnr'd!" and "Let's get Ronnie James Dio'd!"
General 1st year Spanish banter with John McCulloch
The best chat up line ever:
Guy to Nadia's mate: Did you just fart?
Nadia's mate: NO?!?!?!?! why?!?!
Guy: Cause you just blew me away!!
He's definetly black ;)
Me: How crap was New Moon?
Everyone else except Amy: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
*Sings Monty Python and the Holy Grail Prelude
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