Mama, I'm comin' home...

End of part one of my year in Poitiers, France - 16/12/2010.

Yes, sadly, this is the end of the first part of my year abroad. I leave for Scotland on the 16th December and will return on the 6th January :) After living abroad and on my own for 3 and a half months, I feel it is time for some much needed reflection, self evaluation and a nice break from the crazy place that is Poitiers.

Since arriving in Poitiers, I have met many interesting people from various countries. Unfortunately, my main group consists of Irish, Scottish and English people, but Polish, French and German are thrown into the mix, not forgetting the odd Swede :P Sadly, many of my good friends will not be returning to Poitiers after les vacances, like Lorna, Anna and Lisa. I wish everyone that will not be returning all the best for the future and hope you have a great Christmas and New Year :).

I have had many strange experiences whilst in Poitiers, too. There are too many to reference, but just have a look at the blog from the second or third week here and I'm sure you can deduce for yourself how bizarre this place is; what with it's nearly constant strike action, irrational fear and hatred of snow; unlimited perserverance to be nasty to us ERASMUS folk (I mean you, UNIV. DE POITIERS!!!!!); countless party's at Dimitri's, who's neighbour now hates him, and the discovery of whiskey and various cheeses. Needless to say, Hannah G and I's next venture will involve rum, as we drink our way through various liquers.

What can I say about myself? I'm a little older, I'm a little wiser... But I don't have hair in really weird places 9If you didn't get the "Wayne's World 2" reference, then shame on you). Seriously, though, I might not be 100% amazing with my money yet, but living on my own is a great experience, and dispite feeling a little more than anxious about coming here, it is definitely the best decision I have ever made and would urge anyone, not just arts and language students, to try the ERASMUS experience. Even if your grades are crap and you hate your uni, you'll still have a great time.

Because, at the end of the day, we only get one shot at this. The next few years (i.e. Honours, boak) are the years here we really need to work. Not that I think we should abandon our studies, but come on - do our uni's really expect us to come here and NOT try to make friends/ have parties/ generlly be a disgrace to the United Kingdom? Of course they don't. Unless you are at St. Andrew's, then they might. But whatever.

I aim to continue to have as much fun as I am having now next semester, despite it continuing to June... Mon Dieu... c'est dur, non?

Anyway, any updates before I go? Like I previously mentioned, Hannah and I have discovered a new love for whiskey and enjoyed a nice malt the other night. Needless to say, we are hardened men. Also, ONE bus driver was attacked two nights ago, and since that attack, EVERY bus in Poitiers has been cancelled for  DAYS, causing untold frustration between students and residents alike. It then decided to snow heavily out of the blue, but it's just a bit icy now, merde. It's also forecast to snow extremely heavily in Scotland on Thursday, you know the day I'm due back? THANKS VERY MUCH :/

Alors... The next time you hear form me, I'll be back in my house, sipping Irn Bru, and watching "The Muppet Christmas Carol" with Becca. A bientot, tout le monde!! Joyeux Noel!

COKE VANILLE. And you thought they didn't make it anymore!

Mr. Plow, that's my name...

It's that time of year again :D And Poitiers is rife with excitement. It has also grinded to somewhat of a halt due to the snow. Like England, a nationwide panic has ensued, unlike us in the north who are like "Get a shovel n yer wellies, right?" None a this hinging aboot nonsense. Still, it makes everything seem a little more wonderful and Christmassy! They've even got little huts selling funny little things n cool scarves and playing Christmas music! Though the animatronics at Monoprix leave much to be desired:



French snow from my window :)

Still, it doesn't compare to the snow that's apparently hit Britain. Headlines such as "Arctic blanket over Britain" and "UK grinds to a halt due to snow" have been in the English news recently, whereas STV takes a more docile approach, with headlines such as "45ft whale washed up on remote beach in Sutherland" and "Is it snowing yet? Watch live picture's from STV's snowcam". You know, amidst all the murders, stabbings etc. And the snow here doesn't amount to much either. Too powdery, there's no substances. It's the not the type of snow I could, say, make into a snow seat/toilet, or throw at your face. Because that's what we like to do in Scotland...

The view from my window at home :)

I also went on a soup making endeavour for the first time, and it worked! Chicken and rice soup FTW!! And a nice lentil chorizo thingy too :) I was proud. So Hannah Grello and I shared our feast and had a bottle of red (which was kinda boak) and looked at some disgusting pictures, such as tapeworms, and really horrible eye infections. That's how ladies spend their time these days!

Renaud and I are taking a banter to Angouleme at the weekend, weather permitting, so he can receive his diploma thing. However, due to the increase in snow, I am wondering what I have in my wardrobe that will not lead to imminent hypothermia and his mum fussing over me while I get ill again and annoy them with my cough. Also, on a update of Renaud's unnatural sleeping habits, we have now had him literally rolling over me, thinking I was just a odd piece of mattress, singing Ray Charles "I got a woman" (the original before "Golddigger") in his sleep - he hummed most of it then went "OH, I GOT A WOMMMANNNN!" really loudly, then rolled over snoring - and more talking in his sleep about nothing.I get the feeling there are those of you (Probably Scottish folk) Who do not believe the Frenchman exists, because he is just all kinds of bizarre.


 I also woke up at 7h35 the other day and told him "it's 25 to 8, you can sleep for another hour". Instead, he heard "It's 25 past 8, and I'm getting up for a shower". A cup of tea and a facebook update later, he jumps out of bed like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY AREN'T YOU IN A SHOWER?!" After getting pretty miffed at being woken up so early, but content at the thought of another hours sleep, I continued to ruin his morning by screaming "LOOK AT THE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!" at him. Needless to say, he didn't care. Sometimes I think he think's I'm just crazy and I just say words.

Pretty accurate description, really.

Insomnia: An ERASMUS tale

Until recently, I never really respected the phrase "Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing", or however the saying goes. As a young teenager and up until probably the end of last year, I needed a maximum of 6 hours sleep or less to function properly, and getting up early was never a problem. Getting up early still isn't much of a problem, mainly because when it's considered "early morning", I AM STILL AWAKE. This "good thing" I speak of is, of course, sleeping, which has led to fairly bad insomnia. As my days turn into nights, and the weather becomes increasingly colder and darker, I forget where I am in time. Falling asleep has become increasingly difficult, even though I am not particuarly stressed. I blame the 6 am club finishes, personally.

Honestly, though, I just think it is me rebelling in the madness of free, independent living. I can finally do what I want, when I want, except for when crazy lady shouts at us, but I ignore her anyway as I am not French, therefore play the JE NE PARLE PAS FRANCAIS! card, which is always confusing for people. I don't particuarly enjoy sleeping to be honest, yet when I'm bored, I'll say to myself "Have a nap, Lauren, just for an hour", then I'll wake up at 7pm and wonder where my life has went. Also, in true British style, I'm a crazy tea drinker, so drinking tea late alongside sleeping late is a recipe for disaster. My record? awake until 10 AM. Then staying awake the rest of the day so as to not waste a day. Crazy? Maybe.

I also think it has something to do with the time of year, i.e. Christmas, and this being my first time away from home so close to Christmas time. Not to sound needy or immature or anything, but it is something that has really hit me hard, as I didn't realise how much of a routine my family, friends and I had back in Scotland when it came to Christmas. Like how Rebecca (my twin sister - again, another huge reason for being a bit down) and I like to watch "The Mupper Christmas Carol" (you KNOW it is the best Christmas movie EVER!) and drink tea and eat chocolate together, then watch other versions of "A Christmas Carol" like "Scrooge" etc, and laze around in our pyjamas and watch old videos of Christmas' past etc. I know that might sound strange or childish or, well, a bit gay to you, but every person has their own special thing that they like to do at Christmas, and spending a lot of time with my friends and family is one of them. I guess I can't sleep too well because I'm thinking about what I would be doing at home if I were with everyone.

But then, I reflect on the fact that I have excellent friends here with which I could do the very same. So maybe it isn't so much the people, but the place. Poitiers has Christmas lights up, but they haven't been switched on yet, nor are there a lot of decorations, unlike what I expect Greenock or Gourock to look like back home. Thinking of it, Glasgow will be looking AMAZING right now. But I digress... I am thankful that I have friends in Poitiers, and we all are becoming a little more excited about Christmas with each passing day - who says you have to be a child to get excited? There is already talk of which advent calenders to buy/ which have already been bought (NB: I have a Top Gear one waiting for me at home!!) and we are having a random Christmas celebration at my residence on the 3rd (all are welcome!!) at which we will all bring something we would eat at Christmas time at home. I will attempt to make shortbread; fair enough, it's more of a Hogmanay treat, but it is easy and delicious. Either that or a trifle. Because I do enjoy a good trifle!! So to say that Poitiers is lacking in Christmas spirit would be a lie.

I have no idea how I got onto Christmas exactly... wait yes I do... AN INSOMNIATIC RAMBLE! It is driving me crazy as I am either a) Constantly asleep or b) Constantly tired. It is no basis for student life. And it is something I have to change; LOL jk my mum will change it for me in Scotland cause she makes me get up early :)

Still, there is the benefit of being able to try and sleep when I stay at Renaud's. Mainly because if I were to get up in the middle of the night and wake him up, he would beat me to death with my own shoes...

Some people are so touchy.

You looks like a boy...

Yet another random update from my (un?)interesting life in Poiters! Ma meilleure amie, Amy, tells me I should give this blog a name, like Quentin, and write in him everyday as to update the world, and Quentin, about my life. I disagree, because I have absolutely nothing I could write everyday except I'm bored, I'm hungry, I'm asleep/ not sleeping. I dunno about you, but that doesn't exactly make for good reading... Anyhoo...

It should also be noted that I have my Iron Maiden ticket for next July. YALDIII!!!!

What's been happening? I won't lie, pretty much the same as always. I'll start where we left off; Friday night began at The Cave with some predrinking with Meg M, Lorna, Jess, Hannah G, Meg R, Steve, Braaaaaadon and The other American Guy? and had some bizarre banter, including the comparison between Star Wars and the American political system. We went to est-ouest after that, where I accidentally poured a beer over Meg Reis, then accidentally broke a glass which shards of went flying at her. I don't mean to be clumsy, nor do I have a vendetta against Megan :P We met Dimitri, Ivan and co after that and we went to the Goule for some French musical fun. As the pictures on facebook suggest, it was a fun, mainly drunken night.

The walk home with Dimitri, Dennis, Ivan and Hannah Mc was the highlight though. After teaching them some useful Scottish words (Baltic - always relevant, I think!), Ivan stopped and pointed ahead of him, and the conversation went as follows:

"Lauren... It looks like a bird, but it's not a bird?"

(But, instead, I heard):

"Lauren... You looks like a boy, but it's not a bird?"

(So...):

"Ivan, did you just say I look like a boy? :| "

To which everyone laughed for a hundred years. Turns out it was a quote from a film. As is "Sauce Dallas", to which again we all found very amusing. My hatred for Ivan has never been stronger :P (NB: I don't actually hate Ivan. Most days :P). So for about 15 minutes the five of us stood there shouting about birds that aren't birds, kebabs and Sauce Dallas. You really have to question what goes on in the minds of French people.

Sleep has been a bit of a no lately, so one morning I got up around, oh, 4am? Lit up my peppermint candle and went about rearranging my room, which is now LOVELY! :D Successful times.
The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, stayed in Saturday night as everyone was a little toooo hungover from Friday :P But had a nice night in, discovering some old videos from when I was about 17... Unattractive times, it has to be said.

Renaud had bantered back to Angouleme on the Friday night and was gone till Sunday, so I met him off the train and we went to stay at his. Through the course of staying at his a few nights a week this past fortnight, I have made a few interesting (or not) discoveries.

1. He has the most bizarre snore I've ever heard in my life - probably because he is French.
2. He talks in his sleep, mostly about being cold, hungry, or random French nonsense.
3. He grind his teeth in his sleep. I can't tell you how annoying it is. :P
4. He likes to whack me in his sleep, while I sleep.

Now, I do not mean the latter in a wife-beaterish way, so put the pitch forks away, but more in a "I'm just gonna throw my limbs all over the place in a really ungraceful manner whilst I toss and turn" sort of way. Most of the time, this results in me being hit in the face. I remember one time Rebecca did it when we were sharing a bad and, being sisters, I assumed she meant it, so whacked her back, much to her surprise. So night time abuse is nothing new to me. The first time it happened I was just dropping off to sleep, then a cold hand whacked off the top of my head. I promptly spun round like "RENAUD, WHAT YOU DOIN MATE?" for him to be mumble something and snore in my face. After keeping me awake all night with his snoring, mumbling and random shivers. The next night, he proceeded to spin round and head butt me in the face. Which in turn woke up him, and he complained about being awake for ages. Nevermind my face being attacked. He does not remember these incidents, SURPRISE SURPRISE... But it's ok because we played Star Wars and listened to 90's music and had nice times :)

I'm sorry this blog has been boring so far. It's hard to think what to write sometimes. Stuff that's relevant or interesting. It's pretty cold over here just now and reports are saying we're going to get snow too. Aye that's gonna be a total laugh.

Sauce Dallas et a plus tard!

Does "All departures" apply to me?

Time for another update on my European adventure, albeit two weeks back into it! The journey from Glasgow to Stanstead was fairly uneventful, apart from looking for Gate 3 instead of Gate 11, then waiting 4 days on a woman "running" (ha) to board the train, and the loser beside me who couldn't resist sitting with their Ipad on Facebook the entire time. I proceeded to listen to some Drum and Bass at an annoyingly loud level just to portray my distaste. On arrival at Stanstead, I approached the desk that said "All departures". Not feeling the wisest at 8.30 am, I asked the woman, who then looked at me rather worryingly:
"Excuse me, but does "All departures" apply to me, too?" WELL, ONLY IF YOU PLAN ON FLYING, LAUREN :/ After a quick jaunt through security, I got myself an Irn Bru, some crisps, a copy of Glamour and begrudgingly took a free copy of "The Times". I then discovered the MAC counter and literally had to drag myself away for fear of bankruptcy. I had to choose between being homeless, or looking fabulous. I'd a looked damn good on the streets!!

A few hours later, Zoe Boden arrived and we flew back to Poitiers in one piece. After being the last to be picked up by the taxi, I quickly ran into my apartment to get changed, eat and pack a bag as I headed to Angouleme. I accidentally got on a slow train, and had a confusing journey through various places on the way to Angouleme. Renaud was there to meet me off the train, and we had a romantic hug on the platform, before I started to babble incoherently about how nervous I was to meet his parents. Needless to say, after almost 2 weeks on Scottish soil, my accent had become thicker, broader and quicker than the bizarre version I had to create as to be understood in Poitiers, so communication between us was a little difficult. Still, after a lot of shrugging, repeating, and generally beating the language barrier to death, we arrived at Renaud's home. To which I hid behind a wall and refused to enter, before his mum found me cowering in fear and ushered me indoors with Renaud laughing at me. His mother, Christine, his dad, Patrick and his younger sister, Margot, were all there to greet me, and it was lovely! And the one thing I did appreciate, though it terrified me to death, was that they spoke at a normal French pace with proper French accents - i.e. 100mph, and just as inarticulate as I am with English. It was VERY difficult, but I got the gist of everything pretty quickly. We went to a party thing with his parents that evening, and after some food, some music and well a bottle or two of rose, I was off speaking French and boring them about my uni. And also dancing with his mum. Not really sure why, but it was fun anyway!

The next day, we visited his grandfather and other members of his family before have a banter off round Angouleme. After persuading him to come into ZARA and H&M, then leaving 5 minutes later because the look of utter despair had arrived on his face, I got to see all the art on the walls of buildings in Angouleme. But, forgot my camera. As I am an idiot. Still, it was a lovely place! We met Ivan later on that night for some drinks in Hacienda, a weird kind of jazz bar. I still hate jazz, but I did educate Renaud on the differences between malt and blended whiskeys, and how you should drink them - not with coke, like he does. He and Ivan also took great delight in the fact my Mum's maiden name is Campbell, as they drink "Clan Campbell" whiskey, so are excited I am from that "Clan". Just like how Renaud asked me "Do you know what H.D. is?". No, sorry; In Scotland, we still either live in castles or mud huts and wear kilts everyday.

The rest of the time in Angouleme was fairly uneventful, apart from me becoming ill and my left tonsil swelling uncontrollably, sleeping till all hours of the day, drinking a hell of a lot of coffee, Renaud completing Zelda, and the joys of French television. After a half hour delay we got the train back on the Tuesday, and that was that. Back in Poitiers!

Thursday brought the arrival of yet another party in Dimitri's, where we consumed much alcohol - some of us more than others!!! It was a good night though, despite a little drama here and there! Friday again was quiet, only because we were resting for Saturday. Now, Saturday. There's a tale. The night began with Hannah G and I watching "Anchorman", shouting out the quotes continually, and drinking (very strong) White Russians. After spilling milk on my floor, stealing my make up, and other forms of verbal abuse, we left for Megan Maguire's house, where she, Lorna, Zoe and Jess were already getting the party going. After a rather revealing game of "I've never", the conversation descended into the most disgusting topics that I will not put on here as they will probably upset my mother - BUT YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THEY WERE! A few sex on the beaches, white Russians, and whatever the hell else later, we were soon dancing to my ssupposedly "shite" choice in music, such as the Spice Girls, Vengaboys, various rap songs, and whatever else. Hannah Mc and Marta showed up just as we began to dance around, and the pictures certainly proved we had a good time. If not a bit of a drunken, mad time.

Hannah, Hannah, Marta and I went to a little bar near Meg's for some drinks, and on the way to the toilets Hannah G and I discovered some kind of secret passage way thing. I.E. we got VERY lost. Still, we discovered plates, bottles of wine, cups/grails... It's all a bit hazy and strange now, but we tried to go further down but got scared and ran back up the stairs, with me shouting "I FEEL LIKE SOMETHINGS CHASING ME!!". Hannah got freaked out and went home after that, and Hannah Mc, Marta and I went to the goule where we had a good old boogie.

Wednesday this week brought an early installment of Dimitri's party, as we had the day off today for remembrance day - how banterful of you, France. Again, alcohol was consumed and much banter was had! It was also Katie's first night out since her return fro Glasgow, and Marta's 21st! After some delicious pecan pie/cake/whatever, Marta's friends gave her presents and the birthday girl proceeded to get fairly drunk. But we made her happy, so we were happy!

Tonight (jeudi soir) I am resting up and doing nothing. Watching some Family Guy, South Park, chatting online and drinking tea. Tomorrow is where the party's at!

On that note, here is a quote from last night that represents every one's liking of my globe necklace, and how we Scottish/English/Irish etc folk have a really gay way of saying "happy birthday":

ERASMUS IN A GLOBE.COM/ FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

Och aye the noo!!

My fabulous Scottish adventure has ended! Unfortunately, because of the crazy French pension strikes, my Ryanair flight on Thursday 28th October was cancelled, so I must fly to Stanstead on Friday morning, at like 8 am, then wait a few hours then fly from there to Poitiers around about 12 o'clock. So bar this slightly irritating news, my week and a half here has been fabulous!

After staying at Amy and Taylor's for some wine drinking, watching crap tv and getting trapped in the mini jail again for a while, the week was fairly uneventful. I visited my grandmother, bantered around Greenock with Becca and met up with Lyall and Max in Cafe Balfe for some good catching up and some chocolate fudge cake. After learning that me driving after 6 weeks wasn't the best idea, as I seemingly kept nearly ramming another car (I didn't though!), we got to Balfe in one piece, if not a little deaf due to blasting some David Guetta and other crazy French tunes at crazy decibel levels. We gossiped, discussed the Frenchman, and I told them about my fabulous life as an aristocratic French gentlemen. I also learned and have since continued to use our newest catchphrase - Dreamboat. Slightly frightening when Max says it to Lyall, but that's because it's Ladies Night and we're feeling right!! A short trip to Tesco followed, where Max kept reminding me to buy bread and butter, but instead I bought bread and milk, only realising when I got home that instead of 2 litres of milk, I only needed a small tub of butter. I blame the language barrier...

Many quotes have been had over the past week, including "One night in the USSR: The memoirs of Lauren Aitken"; "I even thought he was hot!" "...You say that as if you're a lesbian"; "You're such a DREAMBOATTT!!"; "I spent many years fantasising about academic life"; "A bank of adjectives!"; "Psycho killer, QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST?!"; "Apparently, she ate a chicken wrap?!"; "Mange a bonttt" (NOT REAL FRENCH, just a nice "rhyme" Max made). I've also been asked about a thousand times, "Have you had frogs legs or snails?" and the answer is NON. Also, my tasty Frenchman informs me that less than 5% of the French population eat snails, so there's one to remember for any quiz nights.

Saturday brought the semi-annual (lol) trip to RED, where we had many a £1 drink and shots, and i managed NOT to spill the Jaffa Cake shot down myself (it's a split shot glass). After dancing rather crazily to "Commander", Lyall, Becca, Louise, Sally, Dunning and I took command (HAHAHA :| ) of the stage and danced well into the night. Many an attractive picture was taken, as well as a few videos? That you can't see anything in? Silly Lauren, filming the darkness/strobe lights : /

On Sunday, my parents took Rebecca and I to Braehead for some shopping, and they spent many a pounds on lovely new clothes for us, including a lovely jacket from Dorothy Perkins FOR £5!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was very excited. We also had a tasty Starbucks and a big Sunday dinner, so all were happy :D Even mum and dad got new clothes haha!

Monday night brought another trip to Amy's flat, where we got ready for a metal night out on the town! Sally was with me on the train to Queen's Park (Glasgow) in order to pick up her Halloween costume from Amy's (COSTUME REMAINS UNDISCLOSED). All I can say is that she will look EXCELLENT. Though the three of us did experiment with false facial hair, and it must be said that Amy and I REALLY SUIT BEARDS!! Facebook will have the pictures shortly :D A few vodka's and singalongs later, Amy and I bantered off to the Solid Rock, only to discover that it was a ticketed event only!! So after some skipping, taking random pictures etc, we went to Rufus T's, it's sister bar, for a large jug of Blood Bath cocktails :) Which were tastier than it sounds! After some gossip, a large amount of bitching about life, complaining about Scotland, conceding that we love Scotland but wish it was a tad more exciting, getting a few more vodka's and JD's on the go, running to the bathroom and getting lost, and missing yet another pub quiz, we went to Firewater for some fun. After deliberating whether to hit The Garage or Campus, we got ANOTHER jug of cocktails, ran away from some men in suits, and found a nice cosy booth to have a romantic time. Crazy picture time happened here, and our happiness and love for one another poured out, as we reminisced about past times and how much we missed one another, like a couple reunited after the war.

We decided just to stay in firewater deliberating should we enter the padded wall dance floor (we didn't). Amy had been singing the Talking Head's song "Psycho Killer" all night, and it came on, making us very excitable as we danced in our seats (coincidentally, next to the dance floor). The alcohol finally hit us at long last, i.e. after some shots and Jagerbombs, and we got all emotional, telling each other never to leave one another etc. We got a taxi home not long after that, and we cooked a pizza and I ate ALL OF IT. AND I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN!!

The next morning wasn't funny though. Hungover and a tad cranky, Amy and I shuffled off to Glasgow uni as she had classes. I sat in the Reading Room instead with a coffee, slightly dying, but remembering the year before where we would all meet at 11 for brunch/lunch/etc. I almost text everyone, till I remembered I was only a visitor. It has taken me this week and a half to acclimatise, i guess, to Scotland and living with my parents again. It is a very odd concept I'll admit. We had some food in the QMU, and went off to take pictures, much to Amy's embarrassment. We then had a manly slapping hug, and we parted for another 7 weeks. Sad times :(

I got my hair cut again on the Tuesday, and had a good chat with the Frenchman and a few others back home. It should also be noted that Zoe Boden and I share an eternal love for Heath Ledger, and that he WAS  pretty guy :D

Today (Wednesday), I had a long lie and then Rachel, Rebecca and I watched "Hocus Pocus" and then "The fox and the hound". IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I've just sat and watched tv in my jammies avec the parents for the rest of the night. It's nice to sit and sleep on comfy furniture again!

Tomorrow I have the doctors, visiting my nanny and some shopping to do. Then it's back to Poitiers, then off to Angoulême on Friday evening! Look out, Poitiers... I'm bringing Irn Bru with me :D

Alba gu brath!

Hello from a sunny but rather cold Scotland! I finally made it back on Sunday 17th, safe and sound. So the week before...

Tuesday night was the first time visiting Renaud's flat, and we had a lovely wee night listening to crazy music, like Motown, some Ozzy, and me embarrassing myself over and over by shouting "WHY IS THIS FILM/YOUR KEYBOARD/ THIS SONG IN FRENCH?" at him, then realising what I was saying. Needless to say, he thinks I'm a little crazy, but in an acceptable way. He also made me tea in a tumbler, which was nice :D Gettin the bus back was a riot though, as I got off around a million stops too early and had to walk for 40 minutes :( uncool.

Jeudi soir was pretty funny :D Renaud, Hannah G, Anna and I sat and got pretty drunk in my room, dancing wildly to Dubstep, DnB, etc... But then I got a lil bit too drunk on the old voddy, and was ordered to my bed. With some reluctance, I stayed in my bed and that was that. Friday night wasn't much better, but did include a kebab that had a fried egg on it, the realisation that "CHILLI SAUCE IS ALWAYS RIGHT!", and my embarrassment at encoutering some of our French friends whilst holding said kebab. Hannah Mc thought it was really funny that all I said was: "Shit, there's Dimitri... N AH'VE GIT A KEBAB!" whilst munching into chips, and Dimitri also had a good chuckle, pointing at the container saying "Kebab?". Yes, it was a kebab. I feel no shame in my late night, post-drink choice of snack. Still, on the way home I let out a low-tone scream at how bizarre I must have looked. Even the man who served me looked slightly confused - Girls must not eat kebab's that often. Just like how when we ask for a pint, we get a half pint. I MEAN, REALLY :| If it was Scotland, I could sit there with a pint, munching down on a kebab, and noone would bat an eyelid.

Saturday was Laoise's 21st birthday, and it was a success. After some afternoon shopping with Lisa, which involved buying a lovely new metallica green dress from H&M, I went home to make some pasta and eat some dinner. Probably half of Poitiers' student population was in the building, but it was an excellent party! After some pre drinking at Hannah Mc's, and encountering Renaud and Dimitri in the street and hearing their very bizarre insults at one another, we got lost for a hundred years because noone would listen to my directions (HANNAH!! :P:P). Despite needing to get up early for a flight, we bantered off to the Grand Goule to have an AMAZING night :D The photos are a bit... well... awful... but it was hilarious anyway. I specifically remember laughing at a picture of Hannah and Dimitri for a good 100 years - good job Nicole lent me her batteries!

So here I am back in Scotland. After standing in several wrong queues, I managed to get on a plane by myself, and met Becca and Dad at Edinburgh airport to get home. After a tasty dinner made by my wee mammie, me n becca had a nice time together watching rubbish tv and catching up. Last night, I stayed and Amy and Taylor's and we had a right good old laugh, including Taylor's discovery of Vodka and Tonic, our favourite wine, eating A LOT of crisps and dips, and watching disgusting food shows. MGM, CHICKEN KIEVS AND HOTDOGS ARE OFF THE MENU!

Also, it should be pointed out that Amy found him hot too :P

Again, sorry for a slightly more boring blog, but again, I'm not a comedian; I'm merely ginger.

NUTS FOR NUTELLA!

It's a crazily warm Monday evening - the perfect time for another blog!

Well! The madness that has gone on the past week or so...
Last week, I decided I'd go and get my nose pierced! After a 2 day build up, soul searching etc, Megan, Hannah Mc and I bantered over to the tattoo and piercing parlour, where I casually enquired (15 minutes before closing time) "Ce possible d'avoir une piercing de ma nez?", to which the man gave me a very amused look and said "Mais, oui!" (no joke) and ushered us to the waiting area. After discussing whether I'd get a ring or stud (We'll leave the ring for Megan) I was taking into the piercing room - on my own. After being given all the info and instructions in French (AND UNDERSTANDING! :D) the lovely girl presented me with the needle she'd be stabbing my face with. Some panic ensued, but not as much as usually. She clamped my nose with tongs, which made me giggle, before proceeding to stab my nose. After the initial shock and a bit of a OOOOOOOOOH!!! moment, i saw the tube sticking out my nose and laughed uncontrollably for a while. She then slid through the stud, which again was a bit sore, and that was that. A shiny new piercing! So we ambled off home, then went and got drunk that night. Excellent!!

Bit of backtracking, Hannah and I also enjoyed a "fgoos" time (a slight misspelling of "good") with chocolate and wine on Monday, as Adam went home :( GUTTED FOR YOUUUUUU!

Thursday was, yet again, Dimitri's party. Jeudi soir is always a highlight here. Ok, it should be noted that last saturday (the 2nd) I met a Frenchman I quite liked - Renaud. After bantering all week and overcoming an amusing language barrier, we finally met again on Thursday and lets just say there were some sparks.There was also a weird menthol vodka drink, but we'll discuss that at a later date.

And yes, Je suis now in a relationship with said Frenchman. I came to Poitiers, and I fell in love. MY LIFE IS OBV A DISNEY FILM!

But back to the party...

Due to Hannah, Katie and Marta's inabilities to arrive anywhere on time, they came to mine about 10. Whereas everyone else was in full party mode at Dimitri's. Still, after some heinekin, stella and wine, we shuffled off to Dimitri's, stopping to buy more cheap wine on the way. After tanning some wine on a street corner (as you do), we walked for 4 days to Dimitri's. It was a good party, where I played some guitar, made some jokes, talked a lotta crap, and got a bit drunk. After helping Colin take Laoise home, and chasing Katie while she ran off to kick things (???) we managed to make it home.

Friday night was a similar kettle of fish. The girls arrived late, again. I made them a tasty spag bol and then some Angel Delight, but Hannah dismissed this fabulous dessert with an air of distaste, and announced she'd never had it before. Sheltered childhood.net. We ambled off to... est ouest? I think? Either way, we ended up in the grand goulle where we had many a laugh and dance! We arrived home sometime after 5, with sore feet and raging appetites. So, I made some egg friend rice to keep away scurvy :)

Saturday was more exciting again! There had been a festival thing on for many days, so we finally decided to attend. After watching some crazy bands, getting some Desperados for 3E60 - a bargain! - Katie and I ventured into the tent for a boogie. After dancing for a while Katie announced she wanted to "fuck off out of Poitiers, and travel round europe and dance with bells on her feet". I laughed for a thousand years, before the singer screamed "JE M'APPELLE STEEVEEEEEEEEE!!" down the microphone, which Katie and I carried on yelling for the remainder of the night. Another trip to est-ouest and then we bantered to the goulle with almost everyone we knew, and partied hard to 5 am again. I remember dancing on the podium with Marta, which can obv only be a good thing :)

It should be noted Renaud went back to Angouleme Friday evening, so on his return on Sunday we spent a lovely evening together, practicing our French and English with the help of the dictionary. Of course, my mishearing skills were top notch, as we practiced oral (ooer) translation at our natural speed of speech and lack of articulation. He said "Tu es tres belle", but I thought he said "ou est la poubelle?" so I sorta shouted "Where is the bin?!?!?" at him, to which he gave me a very bizarre look. The madness continued as I tried to talk in French and got confused and said "Tant pis, Renaud" (which means "nevermind, Renaud") and again he looked at me like I was absolutely mental and said "Sandwich?". After this, we sang our own rendition of "Non, je ne regrette rien" and he went home. Obv, this relationship is going to produce some amazing and hilarious banter.

So, needless to say, Poitiers is turning out to be an excellent place, what with Team Glasgow's banter, Hannah G's "fgoos times", Moi et mon petit ami, and of course, vodka caramel shots.

Poitiers, Je t'aime :D

A reminder of home

I received a package today from home :D Full of "surprises", you could say. A letter/cooking instructions/random nonsense from the family, 3 different types of microwave rice, a packet of macaroni, Coleman's cheese sauce, strawberry Angel Delight, a packet of Gold biscuits, 4 bars of Galaxy, a tub of Bisto and my phone and it's charger. You have to question the necessity and nutrional values of these items, but I had a gracious cry nonetheless. Thank you family <3


It was then that I remembered I had a blog all about 2nd year Glasgow Uni banter on Bebo and have decided it should take it's rightful place here, along with more memorable facts from 1st year of uni and beyond.


I apologise for any indecent language, kids will be kids etc:

Me: I just can't do Kant!!
Amy: Excellent philosophy joke right there!

Me: I can smell wet dog?
Amy: Well, Lauren, you are a gun dog!!
Me: :| shut up, robin face

After an in depth chat about the war on iraq, the government, recession and migratory swallows, we reached this conclusion:
Me: Well, none of this will matter when we are King.
Amy: You mean Kings?
Me: No. Collectively, we will be a king. A conjoined twin King, perhaps.
Amy: Excellent. We have all the necessary knowledge; how to settle differences diplomatically -
Me: How, exactly?
Amy: With Chess, obv! Of course, neither of us can play chess, so we'll have to learn, but as King this shouldn't be a problem.
Me: I agree. And of course your outstanding knowledge of swallows will be a key element to our successful reign; How the African swallow is non-migratory, for example...
Amy: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

Answeing any and every question with "me".

Amy: I f***in hate those Panda hats!
Me:I know, me too. They're just so ridiculous
Amy:Where'd you even get them anyway?
Me: I think I saw some in Hellfire or Osiris or something like that.
Amy: Oh, well that explains it.
Me:Yeah, basically children + panda hat = apparent originality.
Amy: I know, it practically invites paedophiles.
Me: Yeah, the people who wear them are basically saying (In a slightly creepy voice)
"Come and touch ma PANDA HAT!!"
Amy:... EXACTLY!!

Sitting in the QMU having lunch with Amy, mid convo, when a guy at a table himself goes nuts:
Guy: AAAAAAAAAAH!!
*exchanged glances of "WTF?!"
Amy: What the hell is wrong with him?
Me:I dunno man!
Guy: I had ONE thing to do, ONE THING!! God i KNEW there was something! Why didn't i just do it?...
Amy: ?????..... yeah so anyway....
Me: *Turns and laughs hysterically

*Drivin on the way to uni, some idiot driver won't stay in a lane then a van nearly kills us:
Me: Shit driver's are shit.
Becca: Shit drivers ARE shit.

Amy: Sorry I'm late, I had to see a man about a dog!

3/2/2010 - Probably the most epic lunchtime chat the QMU has ever experienced, thanks to Nadia, Amy and I. Think we frightened wee Kirsty though. And excited the boys behind us :P:

Nadia: He was rubbin away and I was all woah wait a minute, are you tryin to sand it or somethin?

Kirsty has a guilty past. Fact. Why else would she eat cheese and banana sandwiches :D

Amy: So what's John like when he's drunk?
Me: He's very affectionate both sober and drunk.
Amy: What? I didn't catch that
Me: I said he's very... eh...what was that word I just used to describe him again?
Becca: Affectionate?
Me: Yeah, that's it; he's affectionate...

Michel and his general misunderstandings of simple questions, for example:
Me: "Who is taking us for Gaelic Language?"
Michel: "Well, Lauren, you'll be in this building for all your classes"
Me: "Yes, I realise that, but who will be taking us?"
Michel: "Well you'll have classes every day except a Friday for Gaelic, as you don't have to do the backgroung history lectures"
Me: "...I see. So  who will be lecturing us for reading and language?"
Michel: "Well, obviously, lecturers from the Gaelic and Celtic departments will be lecturing you..."
:|

Have you ever been in the underground at Govan so long your phone got a signal? Me and Rebecca have :|

*I tripped (as per) in the middle of a conversation between Kirsty and Becca; they carry on talking for a moment before:
Me: Man, I totally thought-
Kirsty: You were gonna fall there?
Becca: Yeah, we heard your shoes scraping about n saw you shuffling out the corner of our eyes
Me: Dammit, I thought I'd gotten away with it :|

*Talking about Becca's lecturer Dr Sneddon, how Christina thinks hes attractive, and becca's ex:
Me: Christina thinks that Sneddon is totally hot
Becca: Ew. Really? He kinda looks like Craig -
Me: Really? How so
Becca: Cause he's got the same kinda mouth. But he's like forty and he wears waistcoats and has a pocket watch!
Kirsty: Who's this?
Me: Becca's ex boyfriend
Kirsty: Becca's boyfriend is forty and wears waistcoats and is Dr Sneddon?
Me: What?? Rebecca's boyfriend is Mark!!
Kirsty:...I'm so confused :(

The QMU only plays metal in the 18-22 age range at Revolution on Tuesdays; clearly, Amy and I are far too old school.

I wonder what Robert Palmer would have to say about all this?

Amy: "How drunk are you?"
Me:"Eh.. I'm not bad actually. Yeah, I'm ok :) you?"
Amy: "Yeah... No, I'm pretty wasted."

Amy: Here's those jammies you wantedd
Me *takes off top: "No f**k offfff!!!" *dies

Metal guys: "Yooz goin to the Qmu?"
Me and Amy: "Eh... yes...why?"
Metal guys: "Cool, see yooz in there"
Us: "Eh...naw?"

Nadia: Feel free to tell them not to burn my nachos!;

12pm is SALAD TIME!!;

Me/Amy:A GRAIL?!?!?!
Christina: What is a grail, and why do you keep demanding one...

Philosophy banter:Grail boy, girl we hate, fleece body warmer boy and "where the hell do you shop from?" guy; Fire alarm madness: pen throwing, getting trapped between chairs, leg failure on the stairs, screaming "Go on without me!" and "Grab a limb, boys!" (Infront of strangers).
Philoso-punch.
Me (to Amy): I tried to catch your eye about how the guy was wearing velour trousers, but the guy with chest hair caught me looking and I has to abort.
We found Paul Brownsey on University Challenge!!
Morris dancing in a living room?

The many, many debates we have had in the QMU with Gail and lost.

The first every cheesy pop night with me, Mark, Amy and Christina. Play that funky music white boy! *White man dance

Afternoon drinks? Only on a Tuesday. Sometimes a Thursday.

Did you vote Tory?

The many discussions Nadia and Rebecca had about their bowels.

Ladies Nights - drinking ridiculously strong cocktails, playing the YMCA out into my quiet street, dancing to the macarena, wearing facemasks, watching disgusting videos, and generally being cool.

That year everyone's birthday party was in my house.

That time Becca and I learned to drive. And so, the Disco Mobile was born :D

Becca (very, very drunk): I have two pounds here in my very hand!

That time I tried to climb through the wardrobe?

Or that time I woke up with my bra done over my jammies?

The Spinal Tap halloween extravaganza? We made attractive men.

That time Lyall and I were screaming out of car windows, listening to "commander"?

Punjabi fm?

That time Lyall and I watched the 2D version of "Coraline" with 3D glasses? Long story short - there were 2 discs, so I assumed the other was a bonus disc. What we did was watch the 2D disc. SILLY.

Rose! Rose! Phillip look out!!! and other fantastic Disney quotes. Also, discovering flaws in films.

The dancemat craze? Noone has beat me at crash team racing yet.

That time Amy and I had 3 for £10 bottles of wine. NEVER BUY CHILEAN WINE.

I'm feelin a little bit *crazy hand dance*

Me: His mohawks all floppy...like...
Amy: A floppy thing? wet paper?
Me: No... More like a whale in captivity *does floppy fin action

Umbrella spies strike again! *pole vaults over book shelf.

Me: "When we're walking down the beach they say hey sexy!"
Amy: "...Never say that again"

Sheila's STILL in Portsmouth;

Me:Can we get chicken? (even when there isn't chicken :|)

Generally saying "No" to any request or adding "This is why you fail" to any form of failure/dismay;

 *Llama impression.

Me: Face it, Christina, you just don't have a detective's mind!

Me: Right, Amy, get in that bin! *points
Amy: It's not my fault I'm bio-degredable!

Me: Where's my panini?
Amy: You ate it
Me: Did i? :|:|
Amy: Aye, she handed you it and you just ate it all up
Me:...Wait a f**king minute, no I didnt! I've not even paid yet :|

*Loud bang
Me: What was that?
Amy:What was what?
Me: I thought I'd maybe lost something out my bag, or you know, a limb
Amy: You lost me; I'm still upstairs waiting on your panini!

Amy:Sisters are doing it for themselves!!
Me: Was that on the radio, or was that just for you?
Amy: Nope! Just for me :D

Sitting beside each other talking on facebook - the main past time of university students.

Billy Grove took us on a tour of the male toilets for French culture (don't ask why) and then asked us what we thought of the urinals
Me:Well, I'm very aroused
Christina: LOL
Billy Grove *raises eyebrow

Amy: Sounds like a sterling plan. And sterling is a word I'd like to bring back very much
Me:I agree, however, my comeback word for 2010 at the moment is dobber

Kirsty has an obsession with take away cups and containers. You'll never see her with crockery.

Christina: What's the soup today? (Probably somethign including pea, mint, or pepper)

It took us all about half a year to realise that when Nadia asked "Do you have any craic?", she wasn't asking for drugs :D

I often dramatically mishear things when I'm speaking to Amy;
like that time i thought she was talking about dragons? ( she wasn't)
or when I thought she said salt mints? (again, she didn't)
or when I thought she said "Paradoxically" but she was saying something along the lines of "I'm going home now"

Me:TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE BROTH!!

Me: You know what they say, never rub another man's rhubarb!!

The many, many hours spent drinking tea and eating chocolate where we discuss our favourite childhood programmes and films (usually taking place about once a month)

The night Amy and I replaced "wrecked" with various "R" words (we realise it starts with a W but we don't care): Lets get ramshangled; rotund; revolted; respected; ran over; red pepper'd; resolved; reversed; redundant; reserved; robotic; repeated (ETC)
This lead to the ingenius creation of "Let's get Robert Downey Jnr'd!" and "Let's get Ronnie James Dio'd!"

General 1st year Spanish banter with John McCulloch

The best chat up line ever:
Guy to Nadia's mate: Did you just fart?
Nadia's mate: NO?!?!?!?! why?!?!
Guy: Cause you just blew me away!!

He's definetly black ;)

Me: How crap was New Moon?
Everyone else except Amy: WHAT?!?!?!?!?

*Sings Monty Python and the Holy Grail Prelude

Straws are for the weak!!

It's been a quiet Sunday, accompanied with a mild hangover and an unfortunate loss of my voice. I have finally caught the residential cold. I SAID DON'T GIVE ME IT...

Where to start? Well the kitchen ceiling fell in, again, and they still haven't fixed it, again, and there are mice, AGAIN! But we saw a wee mouse with a long fluffy tail and Eva thought it was adorable, but Sylvia wasn't so sure...

So last weekend... Well it all started 2 Thursdays ago where Hannah Mc, Hannah G, Anna, Katie and Marta all came to mine for some (rather hardcore) pre-drinking and some dubstep fun times. Whilst Katie was hanging out the window having a casual smoke, crazy lady shouted "FERMER LA FINETRE!" at us, in her usual weird "It's 1 minute past 10, I better shout at them!" kind of fashion, to which we shouted "NAW! POURQUOI?" back. She didn't say much after that, thank god. So after much beer, wine, more wine, and a half bottle of wine to take for the journey, we sauntered off to Est-Ouest - because we are lame and seem to have nowhere better to go. So, as always, we bought the metre of shots (WHY?!) and carried on drinking cocktails etc. It seemed clear we were pretty drunk, so decided it would be a good idea to go to the goulle (the night club). Wrong... Hannah and I didn't get in, we say we don't know why but we know it's because we were absolutely wrecked, so we shuffled and staggered off home. This is where the night took a rather exciting turn. I thought I'd just went home, went to bed etc, like normal folk do. The madness began when I woke up to discover what was the remains of spaghetti bolognese. I ignored this, presuming it had been my dinner from the night before. But then I remembered I'd had something else for tea; I'd came home drunk and cooked myself a meal. On a gas stove. That you have to light with a lighter. Vaguely, I could remember being a domestic goddess and put it behind me. Most of Friday was spent dying and eating, so that was fine.

Then Saturday arrived... Lisa, Martine, Anna, Mahi, Carola, Antoine, Katrin and I all went bowling, which was super fun, even though I was super crap. I was sitting having some tea and lunch before we left, when Lisa bounded into the kitchen, and laughed. What is so funny? I enquired. She said something back like "it sounded like you were having a good night last night!". Which was odd, as she wasn't out. Basically, to cut a long story short, I returned home about 4.30 am, so Hannah and I must have literaly CRAWLED home, singing in FLUENT French. Which is all very well, BUT I DON'T KNOW ANY FRENCH SONGS. I then apparently proceeded to start muttering and arguing, presumably with myself, in "a mad Scottish rant". It has to be asked; Where do I go at night? And what do I do? It was also assumed that the angry message left on the board about plates was probably from me to me, as I was taking a plate to my room. Can't say I'm not clever!

So we went bowling, went shopping in Casino etc, then the Saturday night banter again. It was off to Zoe's where I met a rather tipsy Lorna who just yelled "YOU'VE MISSED SO MUCH!" (and so I had - She had a boyfriend now?!), Zoe and Hannah G. We drank some wine (again) and headed off to the ERASMUS party, which was outside, so very, very baltic. We then bailed on that and headed to Est-ouest AGAIN!! Where we had more shots, more cocktails, and more banter. We went to the grand goulle, again, got in this time... but I don't remember much of it. It was also Roxanne and Kim's birthday weekends so everyone was on tip top form, i.e. on the floor, so that was that. Another stagger off home, and that was the weekend.

The week was fairly uneventful, but, inevitably, Jeudi Soir rolled round again and Hannah G and I bantered off to meet Marta, Katie and Hannah Mc at Marta's flat. After much drinking, random texting of boys etc, we went to... EST BLOODY OUEST. But Hannah never got in because for the first time in a billion years, we got I.D.'d and she had none. WHAT THE HELL, FRANCE? I had a burger from Quick, though - amazing!!

Friday night... Can you see where this is probably going? Est ouest, cafe des arts, all the ERASMUS folk out, followed by a cool electro bar that was inhabited by the under agers. Shweet.

Saturday night... E/O again... lots of cocktails... few shots... and the understanding that this is a "European Adventure!" and the agreement of "Big heels, short dress" night. We shall see! Zoe and Lorna have also admitted undying love for one another this weekend, and dressed in a typically English way - take a guess...

We then tried to go to the goulle, again, but got turned away because, and I quote, "We don't want foreign types like you in here". Thanks for the xenophobia, Poitiers :\

Also, French people have to get a grip on the fact that:

a) it is DISGUSTING that NOONE washes their hands when they come out the toilet.
b)The toilets are a DISGRACE!!
c) There are such things as toilet seats. INVEST IN THESE!

Pasta, pasta, pasta...

Like every other student, I am sick to the back teeth of pasta. Spaghetti, penne, even chinese noodles, I am sick of it. But at the same time, I am too lazy to walk all the way up that hill to go to Monoprix or ge the bus to Casino. It's a hard life being a student, I tell you.

What's new? Well, the intensive language course thing I was to attend today (AT HALF 5 TO HALF 7! WHAT!!) has actually been moved to a Wednesday, as I gladly found out 45 mintes before it was due to start (prompt as always, Univ. de Poitiers). Still, this means I had a whole other day to do nothing but tidy, sleep and cook pasta. What a leisurely life I lead!

I emailed Dougal Campbell again (Univ. de Poitiers could do with taking a leaf out of that man's punctuality book) for advice on my timetable, but yet again I was told I had free choice etc, so I still feel none the wiser. Still, I don't have to sit 30 credits worth of subjects over here, so it's an ultimate win.

I still can't really make my mind up about Poitiers. I think once I feel more settled I will explore it more, take the Notre Dame tour etc. It is a beautiful place, very medieval and full of old buildings and architecture that's so different fro what we see in Scotland. Like the buildings with the black lines painted down them, and the French window shutters etc. And there are a lot of people walking around with stripey t-shirts and baguettes. No joke. This place is stereotype city! But it is fascinating. It's peculiar, though, the one really dodgy street in the place is the street across the road on the right of our residence; dodgy pubs and shops and characters etc. Weird creepy men. But it has an off licence that stays open past 11 so it's a good place for a last minute stock up.

I realise this has been a boring but perhaps factual blog. You can't expect a joke-a-minute all the time!

There's a urinal... outside the girl's toilet door?!

Here is small list of memories I have compiled so far in my little notebook :)

Mind that time...

• Anna and I DIDN'T get lost, and she DIDN'T run out of money?
• All those times we drank wine in the street?
• We walked up and down all those stairs. EVERY DAY.
• The place flooded and the kitchen ceiling fell in?
• We got mice?
• The first time we got the bus, and got lost?
• There was a urinal right outside the door of the girls toilet?
• All the french waiters were rude?
• I met the 1 other Scottish person in Poitiers?
• We went to the uni and it looked like a prison?
• The uni's cafeteria and food were AMAZING! And for only 3 euros :)
• Crazy lady kept shouting at us to be quiet? SHE'S CRAZY!
• Katrin and Irene were really drunk?
• "We'll put the drunk people in the middle"?
• We ate WAY too much pasta?
• I brought too much stuff with me?
• Everyone spoke German and I was all, "Wit?" ?
• The girl that moved in then left after a day?
• When you asked for a coffee you got a tiny little coffee. Not a real one?
• You heard the train all day and night?
• The walls were so thin I could basically here my flatmates breathing?
• I slept till 5pm?
• I thought the rain was actually the sound of the train?
• I got sunburnt?
• Me n Lisa ditched a party an went and got wrecked?
• We had jager in a tube?
• We had the girafe?
• Carola, Mahi and I made fajitas?
• Everyone took a million photos a night?
• I taught everyone some handy Scottish phrases?
• Stephen Morrison AKA SteveMo looked like Michael Gambon? And had a Monty Python dvd on his desk?
• I used Skype, and failed?
• I changed the bins and left the following angry message on the wall?:

a)Who was taught that the floor was a bin?
b) Who doesn't know how to change a bin bag?

• I made a very tasty chow mein?
• I kept failing to tidy my room?
• I randomly fell?
• That old guy was in the picture?
• I was really hungover?
• Vodka caramel shots?
• We went to the bar/club called Havanitas beside est-ouest and people were moshing to Edith Piaf?
• Vine in oil bottles?
• Walking for miles and swearing at the wilderness?
• Creepy French guys?
• Eating chips but really they were fries?
• The dinner party with all the food and a billion people?
• The French supermarkets didn't store their milk in fridges?
• We discovered the H&M and Zara?
• We got shoes for 10 euros?
• The old French man put his hand down his breeks and was all "Can I sit with you girls?" NAW YOU CAN'T MATE.
• We had a grog (a drink, not the spit)?

Absolute whitey boke

Thanks to Hannah McAvoy for the charming title of this post. It was thrown in as a casual description of the HORRIFIC hangovers we had after a night of cheap wine, then beer, vodka, cocktails and the occasional caramel shot. Shockingly, stayin at a club till around 4 doesn't do your liver any favours. Anyway...

I've been here for... 16? days now, and this is my first night in. Which also happens to be a Saturday night, which I agree is lame. But after a hard night's partying at Le Grande...Goulle? (Ican't remember...) I am PRETTY HUNG OVER. But all is well, a lot of crap food has been consumed today and a good long whinge to my parents on Skype has settled me.

So the night life in Poitiers... Well, there isn't a lot. Most bars shut any time between 12 and 2, which isn't bad. But the booze isn't cheap. At all. For a place with around 30,000 students, you'd think there would be loads of student bars and deals etc. Wrong. Our usual hang out is Est-Ouest, which everyone either loves or hates. I enjoy it as it has music, not bad priced things, cocktails, and a rack of 10 shots which occasionally we get for free. There is also a "Girafe" which is 2.5 litres of beer in a tube that you can pour urself like pulling a beer from a mini tap. I'm totally perfecting my bar skills, after Lorna and I challenged one the other night.

Les cafes arts (I think that's what it's called?) is also not that badly priced and the bar man, Stephen, is a legend. He gave us a free Grog. BUT DON'T BE ALARMED! I do not mean he spat in my face for free. A Grog is basically a citrus version of mulled wine. It was actually kinda nice. But left a metal after taste? Either way, he played the whole of Dire Straits "Brothers in arms" for me, so I'm there!

Where else... eh... It's difficult to think. Most of the time you just buy a 2 euro bottle of wine and tan that as you walk the four miles to the pubs. Everything is so far away; our house is at the bottom of a hill and everything is uphill. The walk back from the club took about 4 days, probably because we were steaming, but yeah...still. Many an attractive picture has been taken over the past few weeks, by everyone, as we are all a bit camera happy. It's lovely.

We were also in a club, La Luna, but about 5 people were there so we left. Dancing on your own is not cool. Also, I brought 3 pairs of rather large heels and have not worn them yet. Why? Because I would probably die walking up all the stairs, the cobbly streets, etc. I'm not steady on my feet at the best of times :|

There have also been mannyyyyy parties!! Most recent at Dmitri's, where we had wine in plastic bottles. It basically looked like I was drinking oil. and it was DISGUSTING. Did the trick though :D was an ace night. And then there was Hannah Grello's 21st, again a very awesome night involving a lot of Bacardi and wine :D Love it.

I can't think of much else just now, so I'll post again if anything comes to mind. Bonne nuit :)

NB: Why do the French supermarkets not keep their milk refridgerated. IT'S DISGUSTING

Can you actually speak French?

Arrival date: Thursday 2nd September 2010


It's funny. I promised myself back home I'd document everything so that I could share it with friends, family and future ERASMUS students alike, or in case an impromptu presentation on "Your year abroad" is sprung on us back home. I did start writing in a small notebook some of the more amusing and memorable events of the last fortnight, but not in too much detail. So, after seeing a fellow students blog (Sorry, Zoe.) I decided to make this :)

Alors...

It's been a bit of a drama over the last two weeks. Big Mags (my mum), Mojo (Aunty Maureen) and I bantered off to Edinburgh airport to fly with the fantastic (not) Ryanair to Poitiers. It was Big Mags first time driving there and we got lost; Mojo took over the driving, we still got lost, but eventually we found our way there. The flight was pretty uneventful, apart from being crowded, and me being very aware that I had 4 suitcases full of junk, I mean, essentials with me.

The first bit of drama was the taxi taking me to the wrong place. By wrong place, I mean he took us to a hotel come student residence which was across the road from my place. So, in true Aitken style, panic ensued. But after a lot of shrugging, sighing, and speaking very slow English and very bad French, we discovered all I had to do was cross the road. Silly us.

After putting my stuff in my "room" (slight exaggeration) we went to find the nearest supermarché, which of courses resulted in miles of walking and me asking some nice French couple OU EST MONOPRIX?!?! in a very aggressive (but accidental) way. Still, after some arguing, tears, and some under-the-breath cursing, we found monoprix and bought lots of nice things to eat.

However.

The kitchen that accomodates 24 (!!!!) students had two stoves, which OF COURSE were gas, therefore resulting in my burning my hands repeatedly as you need a lighter to light them, and thing they call an oven (IT ISN'T AN OVEN!!) which is the size of a microwave and an actual microwave. Which is fine, if you plan on living on pasta (which we do).

Still, all in all the people were lovely and I was beginning to enjoy myself. We then discovered the uni, which is the UGLIEST thing I have ever seen. It reminded me of an old, graffiti-covered primary school, or a prison. It is often referred to as "the hell-hole", as there is nothing promising about such an ugly array of building. Their canteen though, OMG what a place! 3 euros for a good size and tasty main, a side and a deseert?! Maybe it's just because I love food and not wasting money, but I always get so excited when we go there. Highlight of the day, you could say. Still isn't the QMU, though :(

Big Mags and Mojo flew home on the Sunday, and they had a wee cry, and it finally made me realise I am actually here. On my own. Took me till now to realise that I LOVE the freedom and the responsibility (haha, really?) etc of living on my own, but I do miss someone making me nice teas :( And by teas, I do not mean the beverage kind; I mean dinners. SOMETHING OTHER THAN BLOODY PASTA!!

But then the fun really started. Not really. We were out enjoying a few Monaco's (Like a shandy, but with Grenadine?) and Panaché's, when Katrin called to say the kitchen was flooding and they thought it came from Mahi and I's rooms as we live above it. After running through the streets of Poitiers (how much do you want it to read Paris?) we arrived home to find our rooms were fine, but outside our room was flooded. The ceiling then collapsed during the night, much to our delight. Seemingly, the previous owners "forgot" to tell our landlord how bad the state of the building was. Hmm...

Still, in true French fashion, next to nothing has been done about it. As the French LOVE their bureaucracy, but would rather spend 100 years doing the most tidious and pointless paperwork, therefore slowing the rest of us down, the love it so much. The best part? We now have mice. As I said to my Swedish friend (Not that she understood any of it, mind) "There's a moose loose about this hoose!". I often forget that NOONE else I live with is Scottish, and that my accent is the most ridiculous thing they've ever heard. I am "the most foreign" in a group of ERASMUS and other international students. Bon.

And last, but not least, the university's "structure" (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.)

I never been anywhere as unorganised as this place. If it was glasgow uni, you'd know what you were doing, when and where it'd be, have a student ID and be all ready to learn. But here? The most common response from the lovely receptionists is "That's not my responsibility/ I don't have to help you." What?!?!?!?! All I'm asking for is a timetable to sort my life out a bit, but all you get is No... No... SEE SOMEONE ELSE! But they don't tell you who!!!!!!!!!!! So my life is a little messy right now where studies are concerned. It'll be ok though. Eventually. Maybe...

Anyway, that's all the drama that's happened that I can think of! I will post in a later blog some of the more amusing events that have happened recently :D